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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29461395">Femslash February Ficlets</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirl20/pseuds/thegirl20'>thegirl20</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Witcher (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Scars</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:08:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,545</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29461395</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirl20/pseuds/thegirl20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Single word prompt based ficlets for Femslash February. Ficlets are very short and unrelated to each other, unless otherwise stated.</p><p>(Mature rating only applies to Chapter 15 - skip that one if you're not into that stuff.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tissaia de Vries/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>181</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>185</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Apart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Based on <a href="https://thegirl20.tumblr.com/post/643083673604915200/i-noticed-that-there-is-a-startling-lack-of-prompt">this prompt list</a>.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Time has gained a new relevance for Tissaia.</p><p>In her youth, a year had been unending. Summers were infinite and filled with sun and promise. Winters brought the thrill of snow and ice and evenings by the fire while stories danced from the mouths of the village elders.</p><p>After ascending, time stopped, for a while. Events carried on, but she was left unchanged by the passage of years, decades. Centuries. A remark from a colleague or student about the budding of the trees, or leaves carpeting the ground alerted her to the season on occasion, but she took very little note.</p><p>When life is long, there is the belief that there will always be time to do the things one puts off. That there will be time to find happiness, contentment, love.</p><p>One breath changed everything.</p><p>Specks of powder invaded her lungs and time began to race. Seconds and minutes and hours thundered by, marked by her slowing heart. With each sluggish beat came a memory or regret.</p><p>Memories of her young, idealistic self, so keen to make a difference.</p><p>A wish that she'd taken the time to experience more, had more adventures, allowed herself to feel more.</p><p>Regret that she hadn't taken the cup from Yennefer's hand the previous evening and kissed her, instead of walking away.</p><p>Since Sodden, time is measured differently. There are only two units; together and apart.</p><p>Apart is when the days are protracted and unfillable. The political infighting that used to be so important is reduced in her mind to petty squabbles between overgrown children. A brush with death does wonders for perspective, it seems.</p><p>Apart is a dull ache in her chest, unrelated to her injured lungs, but utterly connected to her battered heart.</p><p>Apart is cold, and long, and lonely.</p><p>Apart is now, sitting in the gardens of a villa in Toussaint, unable to appreciate the fine red in the goblet she's holding to its fullest. The warm evening sun is an annoyance, its presence indicating that it is not yet the hour she awaits. The horizon represents only the vastness of the continent and the distance that extends between Tissaia and her love.</p><p>She's more than aware that, for most of her life, she would have viewed this dependency as a weakness, a character flaw, an emotion to be quashed and controlled. Not anymore. Even a life as long as her own is too short for that.</p><p>The air shimmers and time speeds up once more as a portal swirls to life in front of her.</p><p>Tissaia smiles and sets down her wine, standing and linking her hands at her waist. Yennefer steps through the portal, and smiles.</p><p>"Miss me?"</p><p>Tissaia rolls her eyes, but makes no effort to quell her answering smile.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>She no longer feels the need to temper her responses, or hide her feelings. When she does finally meet her end, she wants to do so with love in her heart instead of regret.</p><p>"Good." Yennefer shrugs off her coat and lets it fall to the grass. In two long strides she has Tissaia in her arms, their foreheads pressed together. "I missed you too."</p><p>Smiling, Tissaia closes her eyes and melts into Yennefer's kiss.</p><p>Time together will go too quickly, as it always does, and then they will be apart once more.</p><p>But the pain of being apart is what allows the joy of being together. Without one, the other would not be so great. And she is not willing to sacrifice that joy for anything.</p><p>Not anymore.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Burned</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Jesus <em>fuck</em>!"</p>
<p>Tissaia is startled from her reading by the exclamation. She sets her book aside and urges the cat from her lap, earning a disgruntled glare in the process. She stands and hurries to the kitchen.</p>
<p>"Yennefer?"</p>
<p>She enters to find Yennefer cradling her right hand against her chest and trying in vain to turn the tap on with her left.</p>
<p>"Are you hurt?" Tissaia asks, crossing the room.</p>
<p>"I forgot the fucking pan had been in the fucking oven," Yennefer says. "And I fucking grabbed the handle." She scowls in the direction of the cooker. "I think I left half the fucking skin from my hand on it. And I can't turn the fucking tap on!"</p>
<p>Working quickly, Tissaia lays her hands on Yennefer's hips and moves her to the side, reaching over to turn on the tap. "Well, if the theory about swearing lessening pain has any basis, I'd imagine those sentences helped quite a bit." She makes sure the pressure is low and that the water is running cold.</p>
<p>"No they fucking didn't," Yennefer pouts.</p>
<p>Tissaia gently takes hold of Yennefer's wrist, pulling it away from her chest and turning it so she can see the palm. She winces in sympathy when she sees the raised red welts on the parts of the skin that touched the pan. She directs the hand under the water. Yennefer's arm tenses and tries to pull back when the cold water makes contact, but Tissaia's hold is insistent and soon Yennefer relaxes, letting out a shaky sigh. Tissaia takes care to turn the hand this way and that, making sure that all the burned areas are cooled.</p>
<p>"It feels much better," Yennefer murmurs, leaning her chin on Tissaia's shoulder. "In fact, I'm not sure I can feel it at all."</p>
<p>Tissaia smiles. "Ten minutes at least, darling," she says. "Then we'll see where we are."</p>
<p>Yennefer hums against her ear. "I'm quite enjoying this sexy nurse lady thing."</p>
<p>Tissaia clicks her tongue. "Sexy first aider, at best."</p>
<p>"But we're agreed on the sexy part, yes?"</p>
<p>Tissaia shakes her head, lips twitching into a smile. "If you say so, dear."</p>
<p>Sighing, Yennefer rests her head against Tissaia's. "D'you think it's okay?"</p>
<p>"It'll be fine," Tissaia says, brushing her thumb over the reddened areas on Yennefer's hand, ignoring how her own fingers grow numb under the cold water. "Tender for a few days, but no lasting damage."</p>
<p>"Thank God. It's my best sex hand."</p>
<p>A laugh bursts out of Tissaia's mouth before she has any chance to temper it. She turns and places a kiss on Yennefer's lips. "You'd do fine without it, I'm sure."</p>
<p>A slow smile curves Yennefer's lips. "Oh yeah? Maybe we should test that theory out." She presses against Tissaia's side, intent clear.</p>
<p>Tissaia looks at her watch. "Not for another four minutes." She adjusts Yennefer's hand under the water.</p>
<p>"Spoilsport," Yennefer murmurs.</p>
<p>"Impatient," Tissaia counters.</p>
<p>"For you? Always," Yennefer says, moving so that she's behind Tissaia, pressing against her back, her left arm wrapped around her waist.</p>
<p>Tissaia leans into the embrace, smiling when Yennefer kisses her neck.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Battle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Vilgefortz yammers on about military strategy from the front of the boat, Yennefer chooses to place her focus elsewhere. Sabrina had secured herself the seat by Tissaia's right hand, of course, but Yennefer can't complain about her own view.</p>
<p>Since leaving Aretuza, she's been with many people of all shapes and sizes. She's ripped shirts from muscular chests and unpicked the hooks from fine gowns, revealing smooth skin an inch at a time. But there's something about a stiff, high collar that gets her going.</p>
<p>In his crude terms, Vilgefortz might talk of breaching that impenetrable wall. Of battering it down or scaling it to conquer its cowering inhabitant.</p>
<p>She's never been fond of the language of battle. There's something so much more appealing about being invited in.</p>
<p>Yennefer has spent many a night imagining how that might go.</p>
<p>She'd touch Tissaia's medallion and ask with her eyes to remove it. Tissaia would nod, and Yennefer would gently lift it off and set it aside. She'd lean in, then, and brush her nose against Tissaia's, barely touching, until she felt Tissaia shiver. She'd draw back slowly, safe in the knowledge that Tissaia would follow. And Yennefer would press their foreheads together, eyes locked. As they breathed the same air, Yennefer would allow her hands to roam, following the dips and swells of Tissaia's body, committing them to memory. Tissaia's arms would be around her waist, clinging to her, drawing her closer. Yennefer would smile against her ear and whisper that they had time. With Tissaia's face pressed into her neck, she would unpick the ridiculously complicated chignon, allowing it to come free and tumble down Tissaia's back. And Tissaia would look up at her with such longing, such <em>need, </em>that Yennefer would wait no longer. She'd slip her hand behind Tissaia's neck, under that high, starched collar designed to keep people out, and draw her in so their lips could meet in a kiss that-</p>
<p>"Yennefer?" She turns to see Triss looking at her, concern creasing her forehead. "Are you alright? You're quite flushed."</p>
<p>"Uh," Yennefer swallows. "No, it's- I'm-"</p>
<p>With a heavy sigh, Tissaia turns as best she can on the narrow wooden seat and glares at her. "Please tell me you don't get seasick?"</p>
<p>"No," Yennefer says, although to stop everyone from looking at her, she places a hand on her abdomen. "If I'm queasy, it's far more likely to be that slop that passes for breakfast in Aretuza."</p>
<p>Tissaia rolls her eyes, but beckons Yennefer closer. She leans forward as best she can and then Tissaia's gloved hand is reaching up towards her face. Before she can react, her earlobe is gripped firmly between Tissaia's thumb and forefinger. The other three fingers rest lightly on her neck and it causes a tightening in her belly and a flood of warmth further south.</p>
<p>"Rub it like this," Tissaia says, in her usual brusque manner, as she demonstrates. "And find a fixed spot on the horizon and keep your eyes on it."</p>
<p>Yennefer is fervently wishing that Tissaia was not wearing gloves.</p>
<p>"Are you listening, Yennefer?" Tissaia snaps.</p>
<p>"Yes!" Yennefer nods, but regrets it when Tissaia withdraws her hand.</p>
<p>"Well." Tissaia lifts her eyebrows. "Do it yourself."</p>
<p>Yennefer mirrors Tissaia's actions, rubbing her own earlobe, and knowing that it will do nothing to quell anything that's going on in her body. With a nod, Tissaia turns back to face the front of the boat and Yennefer finds her own horizon to focus on; where Tissaia's bun meets her collar.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Wound</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This one contains discussion of a suicide attempt (as contained in the show/book canon).</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They lie pressed together, warm and spent and naked. The pleasant weight of Tissaia's head rests on Yennefer's chest, hair wild and loose. Strong, nimble fingers play with her right hand. A thumb presses against her palm before tracing up each finger and then rubbing over each knuckle.</p>
<p>Tissaia has always had a fascination with her hands - "<em>a sorceress's hands are important instruments, Yennefer" </em>- which Yennefer turns into a bawdy joke at every opportunity.</p>
<p>The fingers curl around her wrist, the thumb coming to follow the twin scars that cross it. Yennefer tries not to tense up, instead letting Tissaia explore her own handiwork. The caresses are gentle, tender in a way no-one else has ever touched Yennefer before and it makes her throat tighten.</p>
<p>"Why did you keep them?"</p>
<p>Panic quickens Yennefer's heartbeat and before she even says the words, she knows Tissaia will know she's lying.</p>
<p>"I...don't know."</p>
<p>Tissaia lifts her head to look at her. Yennefer meets her gaze, but she's aware her breath is coming too quickly. Tissaia makes no reply, but leans in and kisses her, soft and firm, before returning to her previous position. Guilt sits heavy in Yennefer's gut at the avoidance, so she asks a question of her own to distract from it.</p>
<p>"How did you know?"</p>
<p>"Know what?"</p>
<p>"What I'd done, that night. Why did you come back to my room?"</p>
<p>Tissaia lets out a breath through her nose and the warm air tickles Yennefer's skin. Fingers slide through her own until their hands are clasped and resting on her own belly.</p>
<p>"I sense disturbances in chaos. It's how I find the students of Aretuza, as you know." Tissaia's hand tightens in hers. "That night, I felt your chaos change. Grow weaker." Another sigh ripples across her skin. "It's hard to describe. When a candle is deprived of air and it dims just before it snuffs out. That's how it feels."</p>
<p>Yennefer nods as Tissaia's fingers slide free, her thumb starting up its rhythmic stroking across the scars once more. Tissaia shifts and warm lips press against the blemishes.</p>
<p>"You cut deeply." Tissaia's voice is no more than a whisper. "The wounds were purposeful. I knew it was no cry for attention, and I've seen many of those in my time."</p>
<p>"I wanted to die," Yennefer says, blinking hard against hot tears. "I wanted it to be over."</p>
<p>"I know." Tissaia lifts her head, shifting so that she shares Yennefer's pillow, her fingers still wrapped around Yennefer's wrist. "But I knew, even then, that you were special. That the world needed you for some great purpose." A blush settles over her cheeks and there's a flicker of a smile. "I didn't yet know that <em>I</em> would also need you."</p>
<p>Yennefer grasps hold of the moment of light, and smiles, her heart filling up with warmth. She shuffles forward and pulls Tissaia closer until their noses brush. Yennefer closes her eyes, tilting their foreheads together.</p>
<p>"I kept them because-" She hesitates, bites her lip. "It was the first time someone had cared." Tissaia strokes her hair and she summons up the strength to continue. "If I had done what I'd done back at home, I'd have been left to bleed to death. Fed to the pigs more than likely, so he wouldn't have to pay for a wooden box to put me in."</p>
<p>Tissaia's hand comes to rest on the back of her neck and Yennefer pulls back to observe the tension that tightens Tissaia's jaw whenever they discuss her stepfather. She smiles, lifting a hand to Tissaia's cheek, her thumb gently rubbing at the taut muscle.</p>
<p>"I kept the scars because they reminded me that, at my lowest point, someone cared enough to bring me back."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Visions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's odd, this place she finds herself in. If it even is a place. It's like nowhere else she's ever been. Shapes twist and change. Trees become palaces and mountains fade to shadows. The sky carries an unsettling purple hue.</p>
<p>The last thing she remembers is standing atop that hill and letting go. She remembers fire. And control. She was in control of the most dangerous of elements, guiding it, commanding it. Keeping Tissaia safe.</p>
<p>Tissaia is nowhere to be found. She wanders for what feels like days before she encounters another person. A speck on the horizon becomes a figure as it draws closer. Yennefer tries to gather her chaos in case she needs to defend herself, but drops her hands when she sees who it is.</p>
<p>"Mother?" she whispers.</p>
<p>Her mother looks exactly as she did the day Yennefer was taken away.</p>
<p>"Daughter." Her mother smiles.</p>
<p>Yennefer darts forward, reaching for her mother, but she passes right through as if she were no more than air. She turns back, confused.</p>
<p>"Are- are you dead? Am <em>I</em>?"</p>
<p>"Somewhere in between, perhaps," her mother says. She shakes her head. "You're as beautiful to the world now as you always were to me."</p>
<p>Yennefer closes her eyes against the sting of tears. "You let him sell me."</p>
<p>"Aye, and that bitch knew she was underpaying!"</p>
<p>Her eyes snap open and her mother is gone. <em>He</em> is standing in her place. Hatred swirls in her chest, constricting her lungs.</p>
<p>"Don't you fucking <em>dare </em>speak of her that way," she growls. She takes a step towards him, no longer the cowering girl afraid of his belt. "Do you know families pay <em>her </em>to take their daughters? To raise them and teach them?" She spits at his feet. "All Tissaia did that day was show me, once and for all, how little you cared for me. How inconsequential I was."</p>
<p>He has the gall to look aggrieved at this assessment. "I did you a favour, girl." He gestures vaguely at her. "Your back is fixed. You're all done up fancy." He lifts his chin. "You should be grateful."</p>
<p>"Grateful?" Yennefer shakes her head with a surprised laugh. She steps closer yet, so close she can smell the pig shit clinging to his ragged clothes. "Fuck you."</p>
<p>His face contorts as the atmosphere shifts around them, twisting him out of existence. Yennefer lets out a breath and turns away, gulping in whatever counts as air in this place. She has no time to think about her encounter because another visitor awaits her. It's like looking into a mirror. Or would have been, half a century ago. Her old self smiles that crooked smile, the novice's shift hanging unevenly on her shoulders, bandages still wound around her wrists.</p>
<p>"I did get to ascend, then?"</p>
<p>"Y-yes." Yennefer swallows.</p>
<p>"Ha! I'll wager the Rectoress was pissed off at that." Young Yennefer rolls her eyes. "She fucking hates me."</p>
<p>"No she doesn't," Yennefer finds herself saying, though she can viscerally remember feeling that way. "She just...has a strange manner, sometimes."</p>
<p>Her younger self scoffs. "Please don't try and tell me she's hard on me because she likes me? She calls me fucking 'piglet'."</p>
<p>"I know." Yennefer smiles. "But you'll earn your real name soon enough. And on that day, it'll feel like the sun came out. I assure you."</p>
<p>"If you say so." Her own eyes slide down her body and back up. "Did it make you happy? Being beautiful?"</p>
<p>She doesn't even have to think about her answer. "No."</p>
<p>"Well, fuck. That's disappointing."</p>
<p>"Don't get me wrong, it comes with definite advantages." Yennefer pauses. "The world is easier to exist in when you look like this." She brings a hand to touch her own jaw, the phantom ache of its displacement flaring up just from looking at herself. "And the pain goes, which is a blessing."</p>
<p>The youngster shakes her head. "I cannot imagine how that would feel."</p>
<p>"No. I know." Yennefer bites her lip. "You'll never know, after the transformation, if people actually like you for yourself. Your truest relationships will be formed with the people who knew you before."</p>
<p>"Oh no." Purple eyes go wide. "Please tell me Sabrina's not your best friend."</p>
<p>Yennefer laughs, full and hearty, and it lightens her heart. "No. But she is a trusted sister." She brushes a hand over her abdomen. "Watch out for arrows, though."</p>
<p>The younger one tilts her head and smiles. "You do know that I'm not real, don't you? I'm not going to go back to my world armed with the knowledge of this conversation."</p>
<p>"I know," Yennefer sighs.</p>
<p>She blinks and the apparition is gone. The landscape melts again, coming back together as a snowy mountain top. She turns and sees Geralt sitting near the edge of a cliff, his back to her.</p>
<p>"Great." She trudges over. He doesn't acknowledge her approach, so she steps around the rock he's leaning against and gasps. In his arms is cradled the little Lyrian princess she buried on a beach. "Wh-what is this?"</p>
<p>Geralt looks up at her, his amber eyes solemn. The baby is clearly still dead. Her face is pale, lips blue, as they had been the day Yennefer stumbled out of the sea carrying her.</p>
<p>"Why would you-" She squeezes her eyes shut. None of this is real. These are visions sent to haunt her as she lies dying somewhere. Visions that want her to examine her life, before it is snuffed out once and for all, in all its pitiful glory.</p>
<p>"Go on, then," Yennefer grits out, opening her eyes. "Give me whatever pearl of wisdom you have and then go and leave me in peace."</p>
<p>Geralt makes a noise in his throat.</p>
<p>"And, honestly, I don't know why they sent <em>you </em>if they want us to have some deep and meaningful conversation." Yen flops down beside him and looks out over the view. All she can see is mist.</p>
<p>"You'd have preferred Jaskier?"</p>
<p>She turns and catches his smile, returning it with a roll of her eyes. "No. It's bad enough to have my life laid out before me without it being done through song."</p>
<p>Geralt nods. "I suppose I'm here for you to ask yourself what it is you want." He lifts his chin. "You thought it might be me, once. Or a child."</p>
<p>She rests her arms on her knees. "Yes. Once."</p>
<p>"What do you want, Yen?"</p>
<p>
  <em>Everything.</em>
</p>
<p>The word echoes in her head and Geralt smiles like he can hear it.</p>
<p>"Then you must go after it."</p>
<p>The ledge they are sitting on crumbles to dust and Yennefer screams as they plunge into the mist below. She lands on her feet in a green meadow. A young girl frowns at her from beneath a shock of white blonde hair.</p>
<p>"Yennefer?" she asks.</p>
<p>Backing away a few steps, Yennefer readies herself for attack.</p>
<p>"I don't know you. I've known everyone else."</p>
<p>The girl nods. "I don't know you either, but if you're Yennefer, then I think I'm supposed to find you."</p>
<p>Glancing around, Yennefer ascertains that they are alone in the meadow. "I thought she might be next."</p>
<p>"Who?"</p>
<p>Yennefer clears her throat. She won't be giving any information to this unknown spirit. Perhaps she shouldn't have been talking to any of the others. These visions may have been sent by Fringilla to win her trust.</p>
<p>"Do you mean the lady that's wandering around the battlefield, calling your name over and over?"</p>
<p>Yennefer's head snaps up. "She's alive, then?"</p>
<p>The girl nods. "She's trying to find you."</p>
<p>"I have to get to her," Yennefer says, growing frantic. "I have to...wake up, or-"</p>
<p>"Who is she, Yennefer?" the girl asks. "Who is she to you?"</p>
<p>Yennefer laughs. "Now there's a question."</p>
<p>"I think it's one you need to answer."</p>
<p>Uncaring now whether or not it's Fringilla or Nilfgaard or fucking Stregobor who's sending her these visions, she <em>needs </em>to get out.</p>
<p>"She's my old teacher, or Rectoress, to give her her title." Yennefer shakes her head. "She's the one who taught me magic, taught me how to be myself. She's the one who made me see I could be more than I thought I could be. She drove me mad, but she spurred me on." She can barely see through her own tears. "I've seen visions of everyone who's made an impact on my life today, except her, and <em>she's </em>the one who-"</p>
<p>"She's the one," the girl repeats. "Isn't she?"</p>
<p>"Yes," Yennefer breathes. "She's the one. She's everything."</p>
<p>The girl smiles and nods. "Then you must go to her."</p>
<p>"Yes." Yennefer frowns. "Who are you?"</p>
<p>"I'm Ciri. I think our paths will cross soon." She nods over Yennefer's shoulder. "But you should go now. Someone's waiting for you."</p>
<p>"<em>Yennefer!"</em></p>
<p>Even though Tissaia's voice isn't coming from behind her, she turns anyway. Tissaia is standing there, wearing the red gown she'd had on before they left for Sodden. Her back is straight, hands linked at her waist, not a hair out of place. Just as Yennefer always pictures her. Not the broken woman she left on the battlefield. Tissaia smiles.</p>
<p>"<em>Yennefer! Please hang on. We'll get help. I'll not-" A cough. "I won't leave you here like this. Please come back! Please!"</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Have you ever used that word before?</em>
</p>
<p>A warmth envelopes Yennefer's entire body and her surroundings change for a final time, fading away to a white nothingness.</p>
<p>She opens her eyes, blinking to focus. A shaking hand touches her cheek and she finally sees Tissaia above her. Her face is streaked with blood and dirt and tears. Her hair is hanging out of its bun and her gown is ragged. And she's real.</p>
<p>"Yennefer?" Tissaia whispers. "Are you-" She shakes her head. "I thought you were-"</p>
<p>"I'm here," Yennefer manages to croak. She grasps for Tissaia's hand and holds it as tightly as she can. "I came back. For you."</p>
<p>"For me?"</p>
<p>Trying to smile, but sure it looks like a grimace, Yennefer nods. "You said please."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"-and she was saying that she might not go to the do at all, because she didn't want Vilgefortz to flirt with her all night, and so I said 'Hey, we could go <em>together</em>.'"</p><p>Yennefer looks between her friends, wide eyed and panicked. She'd turned up at their door fifteen minutes previously, marched in and demanded wine. She's just finished telling them the source of her anguish.</p><p>Sabrina sips her wine and lifts an eyebrow, but Triss is literally on the edge of her seat. She gestures for Yen to continue. "<em>And</em>? What did she say?"</p><p>"She said 'Oh. Yes. That would be nice.'" Yennefer collapses back in her chair, letting an arm fall over her eyes, all the while careful not to spill her wine. "This is terrible."</p><p>"Am I the only one failing to see what's wrong here?" Sabrina asks. "You asked out the woman you've fancied for ages, she said yes...what's the problem?"</p><p>Yennefer sits up, throwing out her arms. "Because, Sabrina, saying to someone that 'we should go together' to a staff night out is-"</p><p>"Oh," Triss says, dragging the word out. "You don't know if she thinks you're going <em>together</em>, or just <em>going </em>together."</p><p>"Yes, exactly, Triss." She glares at Sabrina. "<em>That </em>is the problem."</p><p>"Christ." Sabrina rolls her eyes. "Dating sounds exhausting. I'm glad Triss snapped me up early."</p><p>"She probably doesn't think it's a date, right?" Yennefer asks. "A staff night out is a terrible choice for a first date anyway, so I have no idea what I was thinking."</p><p>"Maybe you were thinking 'I've bugged my mates about how much I like this woman for over a year, I'm gonna put my big girl knickers on and ask her out'?"</p><p>"Sabrina," Triss scolds, before turning to Yen with an encouraging smile. "It's not a <em>terrible</em> choice." She shrugs. "It's definitely not <em>great</em>, but it could be worse."</p><p>"Yeah, you could've invited her to a funeral," Sabrina puts in.</p><p>Yennefer ignores her and downs the rest of her wine, setting the glass on the coffee table and slouching in her chair. "I suppose it's not the worst thing in the world if she thinks we're just going as friends, right? It's a start."</p><p>"Yes! And people get together at work dos all the time, don't they?" Triss says, filling Yen's glass up.</p><p>"People get bladdered and snog somebody inappropriate, you mean?" Sabrina says. "I don't think that's what Yen's after here."</p><p>A buzzing noise sounds behind Triss and Yennefer looks over. "That's mine. Chuck it over, would you?"</p><p>She'd dumped her bag on her way in and it's lying beside the couch. Sabrina stretches over and fishes the phone out. She glances at the screen and smirks.</p><p>"I'd suggest changing her name in your phone before the date," she says, throwing the phone to Yen who catches it easily. She looks at the screen and flushes. There's a message from <em>Titssaia Striptease.</em></p><p>"That must've been Jaskier," she grumbles. "He nicked it in the staffroom earlier. I thought he was just changing my ringtone to something embarrassing again."</p><p>"What's the message?" Triss asks, taking her seat back on the couch beside Sabrina.</p><p>Yennefer looks over at the pair and grins. "She wants to know what time I'm picking her up for our date."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. The Lodge</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I don't know what you're talking about," Tissaia says. "Can you please just open the door?"</p>
<p>"I'm <em>trying</em>," Yennefer huffs, jiggling the keycard in the slot. A red light flashes and Yennefer sighs, thrusting the card at Tissaia. "You try."</p>
<p>Tissaia puts down the carry-on bag she's holding and takes the card, nudging Yennefer aside. Yennefer watches as she tries the card, also getting a red flashing light. "Perhaps we need to go back down to reception and-"</p>
<p>"And ogle the receptionist some more?" Yennefer asks, folding her arms. "Oh, you'd just love that, wouldn't you?"</p>
<p>It's been a long day of delays and travel woes. They're both exhausted and frustrated, which was only exacerbated by the fact that the receptionist of the ski-lodge - <em>Rita </em>her badge had said - had decided to flirt with Tissaia quite shamelessly as they checked in. <em>Rita </em>was a gorgeous blonde with cleavage for days, and Yennefer hadn't missed how Tissaia's eyes dipped on quite a few occasions.</p>
<p>"Honestly, you're being ridiculous," Tissaia says. "And I can assure you that trudging back down to that reception and back up again is the <em>last </em>thing I want to do right now."</p>
<p>"Are you sure?" Yennefer pushes. "I'm sure <em>Rita </em>would <em>love </em>to get you on your own."</p>
<p>Tissaia spins and presses the keycard against Yennefer's chest. "Then <em>you </em>go down. I just want to get into this room and get to bed." She leans back against the wall and slides down until she's sitting on the floor, she drops her head back and it clunks against the wall. Yennefer looks down at her, feeling guilty all of a sudden. She sighs.</p>
<p>"Let's give it one more go." She sticks the keycard in and, by some miracle, the light flashes green and the lock opens. Tissaia's head snaps round and Yennefer smiles down at her. "At fucking last." She holds out a hand and pulls Tissaia to her feet. They gather up their luggage and the coats they'd shed in the heat of the lobby and stumble into the room. Yennefer turns to turn on the lights but Tissaia tugs on her hand.</p>
<p>"Wait," she whispers, pulling Yennefer closer to the glass doors leading to the balcony. Yennefer sees what she's talking about. The snow covered mountains are illuminated by the full moon, painting a majestic and haunting tableau as the fresh fall of snow sparkles in tandem with the stars.</p>
<p>"It's beautiful," Yennefer breathes.</p>
<p>Tissaia opens the doors and they step out onto the balcony together. The cold air is a relief after the heat of the lodge and the hassle of carrying luggage. Tissaia shivers slightly and Yennefer pulls her against her body, her back pressed to Yennefer's front. Tissaia's arms cover her own and she leans back, resting her head against Yennefer's.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," Yennefer murmurs, squeezing Tissaia gently. "You were right. I was being ridiculous." She kisses the side of Tissaia's head. "But you <em>did </em>look at her tits."</p>
<p>"And you didn't?" Tissaiai counters.</p>
<p>"No, well, I- yes, but-"</p>
<p>"She has very nice breasts, which she clearly enjoys displaying, and which caught the attention of both of us," Tissaia goes on, in her alarmingly straightforward way. "But you'll notice that <em>I</em> didn't spend the entire journey in the lift accusing <em>you</em> of wanting to elope with her."</p>
<p>Yennefer buries her face in Tissaia's neck. "'M sorry."</p>
<p>Tissaia's hand briefly cups her cheek, and then she turns around in Yennefer's arms, forcing her to lift her head so they can look at each other. Though Tissaia's eyes are tired from the long journey, they still shine with such affection that it makes Yennefer's heart stutter in her chest.</p>
<p>"I have no interest in large breasted receptionists, Yennefer," Tissaia says, tracing her forefinger down Yennefer's nose to press over her lips. "I have no interest in anyone but you."</p>
<p>Smiling, Yennefer tilts her head. "Even Rita McHugeTits downstairs?"</p>
<p>"Even her." Tissaia returns the smile. "And isn't that what you call Sabrina?"</p>
<p>"I'm tired," Yennefer says. "I'm not at my most creative right now." She shrugs. "Maybe they're related."</p>
<p>Tissaia laughs and cuddles in close to Yen, tucking her face into her neck.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(I know <i>The Lodge</i> is a thing ™ in the Witcherverse, but I haven't read the books so I don't know enough about it to do a 'canon' interpretation.)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Adore</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'd skip this one if gooey baby fics aren't your thing. Because that's what this is.</p>
<p>Probably related to <a href="https://thegirl20.tumblr.com/post/623420881508728832/oh-please-write-about-yennaia-and-their">this thing</a> I wrote a while back.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"D'you know, I thought it would wear off eventually," Yennefer whispers as she traces a finger along a delicate cheek, over a tiny dimpled chin to rest against impossibly small lips.</p>
<p>"You thought what would wear off?" Tissaia asks, shifting the baby in her arms when she starts to fuss a little. Yennefer holds her breath until she settles again, content to be snuggled close to her mother's bosom.</p>
<p>"<em>This</em>." Yennefer gestures to the child between them. "Every time we've had one I've expected not to be as enraptured by it as I had been by the last, but every time I'm thrown by how amazing this little thing is that we've created between us."</p>
<p>Tissaia lifts an eyebrow. "Well, enjoy this one, because she's <em>definitely </em>the last."</p>
<p>Yennefer hums, leaning in to peck Tissaia's cheek. "You always say that."</p>
<p>"And I always mean it." Tissaia looks down at their daughter, smiling when a tiny hand grasps her index finger. "But I think five daughters is enough for anyone to contend with, don't you?"</p>
<p>"Five is a good solid number," Yennefer agrees. She shuffles up on the bed so that she can rest her chin on Tissaia's shoulder, looking down at the baby from the same vantage point. "Zofia is already two handfuls all on her own, and I can see Manove headed in that direction before long."</p>
<p>"I wonder who they inherited that from," Tissaia muses.</p>
<p>Yennefer feigns ignorance. "I'm sure I have no idea." She sighs, tilting her head against Tissaia's, a smile curling her lips when baby Jidara stretches, her little fist going above her head. "I still find it so odd how immediately we fall in love with them."</p>
<p>"Yes." Tissaia nods. "They exert a powerful hold, even before they come into the world."</p>
<p>"It's just complete and utter adoration, isn't it?" Yennefer says. "We've barely known her for two days and I would do <em>anything</em> for her."</p>
<p>Tissaia laughs softly, turning to rub her nose against Yennefer's cheek. "I know, darling. I have very personal experience of how fiercely you protect those you love."</p>
<p>"Pffft. That? That was nothing," Yennefer says. "My love for you has only grown since then. I would set the whole world on fire, bring about another cataclysm, if it meant keeping you and our children safe."</p>
<p>"I quite believe it, my darling." Tissaia sighs at the yelling that's started up from the adjoining room. "For now, I'd settle for you going to deal with that situation before anyone gets hurt."</p>
<p>"Of course." There's a bang followed by a wail. "Slightly too late for that, it seems," Yennefer says, getting up. "But I will deal with it."</p>
<p>She reaches the door but Tissaia calls her name and she turns back, lifting her eyebrows in question.</p>
<p>Tissaia smiles, a little bashful. "Though I may not express it in your grand terms, I do feel the same way."</p>
<p>Warmth fills Yennefer's chest and floods her cheeks. She nods. "I know you do, Tissaia. I know."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Frenemies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"No, I'm not making that mistake again. I'm too old for drinking games," Tissaia says, slipping out from under Yennefer's arm and pushing herself up off the couch to grab the bottle of wine from the table.</p><p>"Oh, c'mon Tissaia," Yennefer whines. "You're not <em>that </em>old."</p><p>Tissaia throws an unamused glance over her shoulder.</p><p>"Tissaia's right," Triss says, holding out her glass for Tissaia to fill it. "The two of you always take these things too far. I had a three day hangover the last time we played one of your games."</p><p>"Well, I think that means <em>you </em>took it too far," Sabrina points out. She sighs and rolls her eyes. "I promise I won't try my hardest so that Yennefer doesn't feel the need to try and keep up with me."</p><p>"Oh, shut the fuck up, bitch," Yen protests. "I can drink you under the table any day of the week!"</p><p>"Yeah, Yen, you keep telling yourself that," Sabrina smirks behind her glass.</p><p>"That's it, we're playing," Yennefer's up and out of her seat, heading to the kitchen to grab the shot glasses and a bottle of vodka.</p><p>"I don't want to get black out drunk," Tissaia protests, shaking her head as Yen holds out a glass for her to take.</p><p>"We'll play Never Have I Ever," Sabrina suggests. "You always seem to stay pretty sober at that."</p><p>"I feel like that's an insult," Tissaia grumbles, grudgingly accepting the glass.</p><p>"It just means you've not done as much stupid shit as Sabrina has, babe," Yen drops a kiss on Tissaia's cheek.</p><p>"I'll go first," Triss says, catching Tissaia's eye and giving her a mischievous smile. "Never have I ever...snogged Yennefer."</p><p>Sabrina's smile drops, as does Yennefer's. Tissaia dutifully takes a shot, wrinkling her nose and coughing at the burn of the alcohol. She catches on and grins, looking between Yennefer and Sabrina.</p><p>"Did you hear me?" Triss asks, nudging Sabrina gently. "I said nev-"</p><p>"I heard you," Sabrina says, between gritted teeth. "I just-"</p><p>"You've kissed Yennefer, haven't you?" Tissaia prompts. "In fact, wasn't she the first woman you ever-"</p><p>"Fine!" Sabrina throws her shot back and glares at Triss. "I'll remember that when it's my turn, darling."</p><p>"Never have I ever kissed Sabrina," Tissaia says, before anyone else can jump in.</p><p>Yennefer physically gasps, turning to regard Tissaia, as if unable to believe this betrayal. Triss gamely takes her shot and waits, grinning.</p><p>"C'mon, Yen," Triss says. "We've just established it happened. No point in denying it."</p><p>"Repressing it, more like," Yennefer mumbles. She throws back her shot and stands. "This is a stupid game." She marches out of the room.</p><p>"I hate you both," Sabrina hisses. "You know we never speak of that."</p><p>"We told you we didn't want to play," Tissaia points out. "You can't complain about how we choose to take part."</p><p>Sabrina huffs as Yennefer comes back into the room and slams a box onto the coffee table. Tissaia and Triss groan when they see what it is.</p><p>"Monopoly, Yennefer? Really?" Tissaia shakes her head.</p><p>"We narrowly avoided bloodshed the last time," Triss reminds them. "It's just lucky that the Top Hat has no sharp edges or someone could've lost an eye!"</p><p>"I promise not to throw the board in the air this time," Sabrina says, helping Yennefer unpack the game. "I still say Yen had snuck that hotel onto Mayfair when I wasn't looking."</p><p>"Lies," Yen says. "I'm being the car."</p><p>"<em>I'm </em>always the car!" Sabrina protests.</p><p>Tissaia drops her head into her hands.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Transform</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There are descriptions of physical abuse in this one.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yennefer's fingers dance across the smooth expanse of skin available to her. Tissaia is lying on her front, head pillowed on her arms, hair swept to the side. Her forefinger swirls in looping script, writing her name across Tissaia's shoulderblades before trailing down her spine to draw intricate patterns on the small of her back.</p>
<p>Tissaia hums in pleasure before mumbling. "Those better not be runes."</p>
<p>Laughing, Yennefer resumes writing words instead of drawing pictures. "What could I cast that you could not counter a dozen times over?" she asks.</p>
<p>Yennefer doesn't doubt her own abilities. Far from it; she knows she's likely the most powerful mage alive. But her real power is driven by emotion. At Sodden, her love for Tissaia, her desire to keep her safe, was what gave her the strength to do what she did. Pissing about with spells and runes has never held much appeal for her, and she knows Tissaia is far more skilled in both.</p>
<p>Rather fancifully, she uses the canvas of Tissaia's back to write <em>Yennefer De Vries </em>before dipping her head and kissing a dot above her invisible 'i'. Tissaia laughs softly.</p>
<p>"Your hair is tickling me," she complains.</p>
<p>"Sorry." Yennefer smiles and repeats the action, kissing her way around Tissaia's back, making sure to drag her hair across it until Tissaia is squirming and screeching for her to stop. She collapses on top of her, pressing a final kiss to her shoulder. She quite often finds herself intoxicated by the perfection of Tissaia's skin. "Sorry," she repeats.</p>
<p>"No you're not." Tissaia turns her head to the side so that Yennefer can kiss her lips.</p>
<p>"What did you change?" Yennefer asks, surprising herself as much as Tissaia, who frowns.</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"When you underwent the Enchantment," Yennefer says, realising now where the question came from. "I can't imagine you being anything other than perfect."</p>
<p>Beneath her, Tissaia shifts, signalling her intention to turn so Yennefer lets her. When they're lying facing one another, Tissaia smiles.</p>
<p>"The Enchantment process was rather more rudimentary in my day," she says. "The Rectoress and the Enchanter looked at you and decided what was to be fixed. It wasn't the case where you turned up with a list of requests."</p>
<p>Yennefer's lip quirks. "So Sabrina wouldn't have got her huge tits back then?"</p>
<p>Lifting a scolding eyebrow, Tissaia nods. "Quite." She furrows her brow. "I didn't really undergo any drastic changes."</p>
<p>"Oh, of course you've always been naturally beautiful," Yennefer rolls her eyes, but it's good-natured. "I might have known."</p>
<p>Tissaia smiles, but it fades quickly. "My Rectoress insisted that I...had a few blemishes removed." She touches a thumb to her top lip, stroking.</p>
<p>"Blemishes?" Yennefer asks, her voice soft. "Like, moles?"</p>
<p>"Scars," Tissaia says, clearing her throat.</p>
<p>Fear grips Yennefer's stomach and twists at the word. "Not-" Yennefer swallows. "Not like mine?"</p>
<p>"No." Tissaia shakes her head. "No, these were not self-inflicted." She takes Yennefer's hand in her own and brings it to her mouth, pressing Yennefer's fingertip to her top lip. "I had a scar here, from where my father struck me after I spilled a pitcher of milk."</p>
<p>"What?" Yennefer whispers, as white hot hatred replaces fear in her gut.</p>
<p>Tissaia takes their joined hands down to her hip, pressing Yennefer's fingertips into the skin of her belly and drags them around to her back. "I had a scar here, from the buckle of my father's belt where it caught in my skin and ripped as he lashed me."</p>
<p>Yennefer's eyes close against the burn of tears as she imagines a young Tissaia, helpless against a much larger man. She had always assumed Tissaia's upbringing to be prim and privileged. A gentle finger under her chin lifts her face and lips press against her own.</p>
<p>"It was centuries ago, Yenna," Tissaia tells her when she opens her eyes. "There's no need for you to wage some imaginary revenge against a man long since dead." Yennefer goes to speak, but Tissaia presses a finger over her lips. "I've not told you about my last scar."</p>
<p>Unsure she's able to bear it, Yennefer nods. "Tell me."</p>
<p>Tissaia places her right arm on the pillow between them. "My conduit moment came during a storm." She pauses. "Over the years, I've wondered if the storm was caused by me in the first place, but nonetheless-" She traces a finger over the back of her forearm. "I summoned a bolt of lightning, channelled it down my arm, through my hand and directly into my father's chest."</p>
<p>Yennefer inhales sharply. "You killed him?"</p>
<p>Nodding, Tissaia smiles. "Yes. So, you see? No need for imaginary vengeance." She sighs. "But of course I had no control, no balance. My arm was badly burned, to the point it was barely usable." Yennefer places a hand on the arm in question, squeezing it. "It healed, in time. But it was mottled, like candle wax. So, it was fixed during the Enchantment." She turns her arm, linking her fingers with Yennefer's. "To this day, I tend to favour my left hand for certain activities without thinking about it."</p>
<p>Bringing Tissaia's hand to her mouth, Yennefer presses a kiss to the back of it. "I'm sorry, for bringing that up. I didn't think-"</p>
<p>"If I hadn't wanted to share it with you, I wouldn't have," Tissaia says, and Yennefer knows it's true. The knowledge fills her with a strange sense of comfort; that Tissaia feels able to open up to her in this way.</p>
<p>"I- I sometimes dream that I look as I used to," she admits, her eyes locked on their joined hands. "That through some spell or other, I am changed back and I'm that twisted, hunchbacked girl once more. Unloved and unwanted."</p>
<p>"Do you honestly believe that would be the case?" Tissaia asks and Yennefer meets her eyes to find pain there, mixed with anger. "Do you think if that happened, I would stop loving you?"</p>
<p>"That's- well, I-" Yennefer lets go of Tissaia's hand and turns onto her back, looking at the ceiling. "Perhaps not loving, but desiring? How could you-"</p>
<p>Tissaia is looming over her all at once, her face thunderous. "You think me so shallow, do you? You think I am taken in by the fripperies and deceptions of this thing we call 'beauty'? When I have lived long enough to see what is considered 'beautiful' change as quickly and easily as the seasons?"</p>
<p>"Tissaia-" Yennefer starts, but Tissaia's not finished.</p>
<p>"If you had never undergone <em>any</em> change to your appearance, if you had remained as you were, we would still have found ourselves together," Tissaia asserts. "I have watched Giltine create beauty, Yennefer, but I have never seen him change the essence of a person, who they truly are. And <em>that </em>is what I fell in love with. <em>You</em>. Not your looks."</p>
<p>Yennefer surges up and kisses her. Tissaia's hands, consciously or otherwise, land on her shoulder and her jaw as Yennefer turns them over, pressing down into Tissaia's body as if trying to meld them into one being.</p>
<p>"I wish you'd been with me," she whispers against pliant lips. "At my Enchantment."</p>
<p>"If I had been I can assure you it would not have gone ahead as it did, without proper sedation and pain relief." Tissaia drags her lips over Yennefer's chin. "But yes, I should have been there."</p>
<p>"You're here now," Yennefer murmurs.</p>
<p>And, she realises, that is all that matters.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The reference to Tissaia's favoured hand relates to <a href="https://thegirl20.tumblr.com/post/613672499196084224/tissaia-de-vries-is-left-handed">this post</a>. And the fact she <a href="https://thegirl20.tumblr.com/post/641094036472594432">redirects Yen's lightning</a> with her left hand.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Blind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When she first wakes up and finds herself unable to see, Yennefer is terrified. She blinks, but nothing appears beyond a murky greyness. Noises are loud and confusing and she can't tell where any of them are coming from. Smells are overpowering. Whoever is in the room with her speaks and their footsteps approach, but it feels like the very air is being squeezed between her body and theirs, pushing against her, hemming her in.</p>
<p>She scrambles out of whatever bed she's in and crawls as far as she can, into a corner, telling them to stay back and not come near. She's still in the corner, with her hands over her ears, when she hears the door to the room open.</p>
<p>"Leave us."</p>
<p>Yennefer's head snaps up and she turns to where she thinks the voice came from.</p>
<p>"Tissaia?"</p>
<p>"Yes, Yennefer."</p>
<p>Footsteps approach, slowly. The air is afforded the time and opportunity to get out of the way before it gets too smothering. Yennefer throws an arm out and it lands on what must be Tissaia's leg, through a thick skirt. Tissaia kneels down, and her scent washes over Yennefer, the first familiar thing she has encountered in this frightening world. Yennefer leans forward, pressing her face to Tissaia's shoulder, and weeps.</p>
<p>"Shhhh, my dear," Tissaia whispers, stroking her hair. "You're safe here. I've got you."</p>
<p>"I can't see anything," Yennefer tells her. "I can't see. I-"</p>
<p>"I know." Tissaia sighs. "Your eyes are damaged. Work has commenced on healing them, but progress is likely to be slow. But they <em>will </em>heal, in time."</p>
<p>There's something wrong. While everything about Tissaia is entirely recognisable, there's something missing. Where Yennefer would usually be able to sense the other woman's chaos from much further away, there is just nothing. A void.</p>
<p>All at once she is gripped by fear that this is some impostor. A voice can be faked, a scent recreated, but the signature of chaos cannot be altered. She backs away until she hits the wall once more. Flinging her hands out in front of her, she calls to her own chaos, ready to defend herself if necessary.</p>
<p>Without fear, Tissaia takes hold of those deadly hands in her own, squeezing them gently. "It's me, Yennefer. My magic is...muted," Tissaia tells her. "Dimeritium."</p>
<p>Yennefer's panic recedes as she remembers their encounter on the battlefield. "You were weakened, when I found you. I just- there was so much going on I didn't ask-"</p>
<p>"Nor would I have expected you to," Tissaia says, letting go of one of her hands.</p>
<p>Again, Yennefer feels the particles of air as if they were electrified, telling her that it is moving closer to her face so she is not surprised when fingers brush her cheek, cupping it. Ungloved, this time. Yennefer closes her eyes, allowing their foreheads to press together as they had done that night.</p>
<p>"You were magnificent, Yennefer," Tissaia whispers. "Truly breathtaking."</p>
<p>"I did what you asked," Yennefer says, gripping Tissaia's wrist. "I let it all explode."</p>
<p>"And still you had enough control to spare me," Tissaia says, and Yennefer has never heard her speak so reverently. "You saved me. I won't ever forget that." Tissaia wraps an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close. Her lips brush Yennefer's ear when she speaks again. "I have <em>never</em> been more proud."</p>
<p>Hearing those words loosens something in Yennefer's chest, unleashing a sob, and then another and another until she is clinging to Tissaia, tears streaming from her unseeing eyes. And Tissaia holds her and allows it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Nilfgaard</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Vaguely based on <a href="https://redanianintelligence.com/2020/02/24/the-witcher-s2-spoilers-first-look-at-francesca-and-yennefers-fate-revealed/">spoilers</a> for season 2.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The cuff is heavy around her wrist as it sits there, blocking her access to her own chaos that previously came as easily as breathing. Being without it is unsettling, to say the least. It reminds her of being young and scared, worrying that someone would hurt her and she'd be unable to defend herself against it. Chaos always gave her confidence, and now she has none. She picks idly at the cuff, even though she knows it's futile. Focusing on it means she doesn't have to look at her cellmate.</p><p>"Save your energy."</p><p>Yennefer huffs. "For what? My execution? No thank you."</p><p>"They won't execute us. Not yet, anyway," Fringilla says, with a certainty Yennefer wishes she could share. "We're valuable to them. Either for ransom, or for their own magical purposes. They'll keep us alive as long as we're useful."</p><p>Giving up on the cuff, Yennefer leans back against the stone wall of the cell, closing her eyes. "Spare me your wisdom, Fringilla. You don't know a fucking thing about why we're here, so stop pretending you do."</p><p>There's a pause and Yennefer thinks she might get some peace.</p><p>"If they do ransom us, Nilfgaard will not pay."</p><p>Yennefer looks over and meets Fringilla's eyes. "Why not? Aren't you their prized sorceress?"</p><p>"The individual does not matter in Nilfgaard, only the collective. The White Flame burns bright enough that it will not be dimmed by the loss of one."</p><p>"And you think that's acceptable, do you?" Yennefer asks. "You <em>believe </em>in their ideology so much that you think your life has no worth on its own?"</p><p>"I think we're both willing to die for what we believe in, Yennefer." Fringilla lifts her chin. "What was it that brought you to that hill in Sodden, hmmm?"</p><p>Yennefer clenches her jaw, but makes no reply.</p><p>"The difference between us is that I was there for a higher purpose, for the greater good, while you were there on the coattails of your beloved Rectoress."</p><p>"And how is fighting for a faceless empire, one that's willing to leave you here to rot, better than fighting for someone who-" Yennefer presses her lips together. There's little point in arguing with a zealot.</p><p>"Are you waiting for her to come and rescue you?" Fringilla pushes. "For her to pay for you, a second time, and whisk you back to the safety of Aretuza?"</p><p>Refusing to engage, Yennefer closes her eyes again, trying to block everything out.</p><p>"I wouldn't hold your breath on that account," Fringilla says. "By my reckoning, she'll be dead by now."</p><p>Unable to let this pass, Yennefer scoffs. "Don't be ridiculous."</p><p>"I dosed her with powdered dimeritium at Sodden," Fringilla says, almost casually, her lips turning up at the edges. "She inhaled quite a lot of it. I'd be surprised if she survived a day."</p><p>Yennefer feels like she might throw up, although she's not sure there's anything in her stomach. Just the <em>thought </em>of that cold, dark metal being <em>inside </em>Tissaia… rage bubbles in her chest, but can find no chaos to grasp onto to enact the sort of pain she wants to bring to Fringilla.</p><p>"Why would you do that?" she whispers. "That's the worst death I can think of for a mage."</p><p>"You've answered your own question." Fringilla sighs. "Tissaia was a rallying point, a beacon of the old ways. She had to be removed."</p><p>"You fucking <em>bitch</em>," Yennefer shrieks, diving forward, trying to get to Fringilla. She's restrained by the cuff chaining her to the wall, leaving her scrabbling in the dirt, kicking out with her feet to try and make <em>some </em>kind of contact. This seems to amuse Fringilla a fair bit.</p><p>"She was so trusting," Fringilla says, relishing the anguish her every word brings to Yennefer. "Just walked straight up to me, asked me to come back to Aretuza."</p><p>
  <em>Tissaia, we must stop Fringilla.</em>
</p><p>"I sent her to you," Yennefer whispers. "I told her-" She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to remember that night. Tissaia was weakened, for sure, but she was still standing, still fighting. She shakes her head. "I think you underestimate Tissaia's strength, her power."</p><p>"And I think you overestimate it." Fringilla clicks her tongue. "We've experimented with powdered dimeritium for quite some time. Any of our test subjects who inhaled even half the amount Tissaia did died."</p><p>"None of them were Tissaia De Vries, though." Yennefer has to believe her own words. She cannot fathom a world where Tissaia is dead. "And do you hear what you're saying? You're talking about sacrificing mages for the purpose of experimentation."</p><p>"Remind me how Aretuza gets its power?" Fringilla's eyes flash in the torchlight. "Tell me, Yennefer, do you really think I'm so different from Tissaia? I learned from the best, after all. We both did."</p><p>Yennefer shakes her head. "Tissaia's not...she-"</p><p>"Do you ever think of dear Anica?" Fringilla asks. "Or Lark? Or Doralis? Or the countless others 'sacrificed' to keep Aretuza standing."</p><p>Yennefer shakes her head. "Tissaia cares about the good of the Continent, about stability and order."</p><p>"Yes, an ideology. A cause. Which you mocked me for just a few moments ago," Fringilla points out. "I believe that Nilfgaard is better for the Continent than Tissaia's old ways. Nilfgaard takes care of its subjects, Aretuza bows and scrapes to Kings and Warlords."</p><p>"Nilfgaard tells its subjects what to think," Yennefer spits. "Nilfgaard takes away common freedoms and demands gratitude for the pitiful way of life it provides."</p><p>Fringilla smiles and shakes her head. "You really believe that, don't you?" She tuts. "And they have the gall to say Nilfgaard brainwashes people. If you think yourself anything more that a pawn in Tissaia's game, then you're a fool."</p><p>"I'm no pawn," Yennefer says. "I went to Sodden willingly."</p><p>"And that is her greatest power," Fringilla says, with a smug smile. "Making you believe that is so."</p><p>Yennefer shakes her head. "I'm going to kill you, when I get out of this cuff. I'm going to use my time here to think up some inventive and painful death for you."</p><p>"Neither of us will get out of here alive, Yennefer." She sighs. "As I've said, Nilfgaard will not pay for me, and you have no Kingdom to care about you since abandoning Aedirn. You might as well resign yourself."</p><p>"If you keep talking much longer I'll fucking strangle myself with this chain."</p><p>She turns away from the other woman, hugging her knees to her chest and resting her forehead on them. Trying to call on any tiny kernel of chaos she possibly can, she puts a thought out into the universe and hopes against hope.</p><p>
  <em>Tissaia, I need you.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Graves</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yennefer squints at the sky, taking in the bright blue expanse, broken only by fluffy white clouds here and there. A sniffle comes from beside her and she snaps her attention back to the proceedings. She tries to keep her eyes from straying to the freshly dug hole in the ground and the wooden box sitting beside it.</p><p>"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of a very dear friend," Jaskier says, in his usual theatrical delivery. "Roach was not just a hamster, but a wonderful companion to Ciri, and a treasured pet to myself, Mummy, Tissaia and Dad, who was unexpectedly and quite conveniently called in to do a shift today and can't be with us for this sombre occasion."</p><p>Biting her teeth together to keep from smiling, Yen chances a look at Tissaia, whose lips are pressed into a thin line. Sensing eyes on her, Tissaia glances over, but then looks away again, shaking her head slightly. Another sniffle sobers Yen and she looks down to find Ciri's head bowed and her shoulders jumping. Yen bends and wraps an arm around Ciri's waist, pulling her close.</p><p>"Hey, baby, you okay?" she murmurs.</p><p>"Mmm-" A sob. "-hmm."</p><p>Tissaia puts a hand on Ciri's head, stroking her hair. Yennefer kisses her cheek and holds her as they turn their attention back to the ceremony.</p><p>"While Roach has now gone to that great hamster wheel in the sky, we will remember her with fondness and love." Jaskier pauses a moment, in serious contemplation. He looks over at Ciri and smiles. "Did you want to say something, sweetheart?"</p><p>Ciri nods her head and goes into her pocket, taking out a folded up piece of paper. Yennefer looks up at Tissaia in confusion as Ciri steps forward and takes Jaskier's hand.</p><p>"Has she written a speech?" Yennefer mumbles.</p><p>"She's four, Yen," Tissaia whispers. "If she's written a speech we're signing her up for MENSA."</p><p>Ciri sniffs and Jaskier squeezes her hand. With a deep breath to start her off, she starts to speak. "Roach was a good hamster. She ate her carrots and stuffed Daddy's Wotsits in her cheeks. And I love her." She holds up the piece of paper to reveal a picture of a stick person and a little brown blob, with an oversized carrot, or potentially a Wotsit, between them.</p><p>Tears spring to Yennefer's eyes and her throat tightens to the point of pain. She finds herself sniffling and Tissaia takes her hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. Ciri folds up the picture and lays it on top of the little wooden box before returning to her previous place between Yennefer and Tissaia, taking each of their hands.</p><p>"And now, dear Roach," Jaskier says, lifting the box, reverently. "We commit your body to the earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, Wotsits to Wotsits."</p><p>Ciri lets out a watery giggle and Yennefer smiles. Jaskier gently places the box in the hole and steps away, bowing his head. Ciri sighs and pulls her hand free of Yennefer's to wipe her face. Tissaia crouches down so that she's on the same level as her.</p><p>"That was a lovely speech, darling," she says, smiling when Ciri nods in agreement. "I was rather hoping you would help me bake some fairy cakes this morning. And maybe while we bake we can talk about all the fun times you had with Roach, hmmm?"</p><p>Smiling, even as she's still rubbing at her eye, Ciri nods. "I'd like that, 'Ssaia."</p><p>Yennefer smiles her thanks at Tissaia. She knows Ciri will be absolutely fine once she has a distraction. Tissaia winks at her and hoists Ciri onto her hip, letting out an exaggerated groan as she does so.</p><p>"You're getting so big," Tissaia says.</p><p>"Only because you're so little," Jaskier puts in, joining them. Tissaia narrows her eyes at him as Yennefer and Ciri laugh.</p><p>"Come on, then," Tissaia says, heading into the house. "We best get these cakes underway."</p><p>Yennefer and Jaskier watch them go, smiling as Ciri talks animatedly to Tissaia about whatever it is they're conversing about.</p><p>"Well then," Jaskier says. "Another hamster funeral over with. Let's hope to God she gives it a rest for a while."</p><p>"Fingers crossed," Yennefer agrees, turning to survey the three little white crosses beside the open grave. "Although I don't know why we've ended up with the pet cemetery in <em>our</em> garden."</p><p>"You live in a <em>mansion</em> with acres of ground," Jaskier protests. "It's much more fitting for it to be here than at our little terraced matchbox."</p><p>"It's not a <em>mansion</em>," Yennefer protests. Although it is a pretty big house, she has to admit.</p><p>"And you <em>know</em> how sensitive Geralt is," Jaskier continues. "It's why he signed up for an extra shift today. He can't stand watching her cry. He couldn't bear to have her mourning in the back garden every morning."</p><p>"Fair enough," Yennefer says. "You can take him some fairy cakes to cheer him up."</p><p>"It's nice how Tissaia gives Ciri free rein when they bake together," Jaskier says, nodding towards the house. "That last batch was terrible, but Ciri was so proud of herself."</p><p>"No, no. That's just because Tissaia's awful at baking." She shrugs. "They'd have turned out that way even if she'd just made them without Ciri's help."</p><p>"Oh, well, fair enough." Jaskier grins. "It's nice to know she's terrible at something."</p><p>"Her one imperfection," Yennefer agrees. She sighs. "Are you gonna fill that hole in?"</p><p>He wrinkles his nose. "I suppose so. Last thing we need is a cat getting in there."</p><p>"Yeah, let's try not to traumatise our kid before she's even at school."</p><p>He salutes and winks. "Plenty of time for that."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Disguise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yennefer sighs and puts her phone down on the bar, pulling her wine glass closer. She stares into the dark russet liquid.</p>
<p>"Is this seat taken?"</p>
<p>She looks up to find a beautiful woman standing by her shoulder. She shrugs.</p>
<p>"It is now," Yennefer says. "My wife was supposed to be joining me, but she just phoned to cancel."</p>
<p>The woman sits down gracefully on the stool, though Yennefer notes she has to use the footrest to climb up. She takes the opportunity to take in what the woman is wearing; a figure hugging teal dress with a pair of black stiletto heels. Her hair is swept into an elegant chignon that sits at the base of her neck, and she has on a simple necklace with an intricately designed pendant that sits on the bare skin of her chest.</p>
<p>"If you don't mind me saying," the woman says, while holding up a finger to attract the attention of the barman. "Your wife is an imbecile."</p>
<p>Yennefer chokes on her wine. "Oh? What makes you think so?"</p>
<p>The stranger's eyes trail from Yennefer's lips to her chest and back up to meet her eyes. "If you were <em>my </em>wife, I would never leave you sitting at a bar alone."</p>
<p>"She...she works hard," Yennefer finds herself saying. "It's not her fault. Something came up unexpectedly."</p>
<p>"Something she clearly prioritised over spending time with you." The bartender arrives. "A glass of Pinot Grigio and whatever my companion is having."</p>
<p>Yennefer points to her drink to indicate she wants the same again. "She didn't <em>prioritise </em>something over me. She has an important job and sometimes-"</p>
<p>"And are <em>you</em> not important?"</p>
<p>Turning to respond, Yennefer finds herself caught in the stranger's gaze, her eyes are so many different colours it's impossible to settle on just one. "Of- of course I'm important to her."</p>
<p>A fingernail travels down Yennefer's wrist, over the back of her hand and taps on her wedding ring. "Then why is she not sitting here, paying you the attention you so clearly deserve?"</p>
<p>"I <em>just </em>told you," Yennefer persists. "She wouldn't cancel on me unless it was something she couldn't get out of and that-"</p>
<p>"Jesus <em>Christ</em>, Yennefer!"</p>
<p>Yennefer frowns. "I haven't told you my name yet."</p>
<p>Shaking her head, Tissaia takes a swig from the wine glass that's just been dropped off, before turning an affectionate smile Yennefer's way. "This is roleplay, darling, and it was <em>your </em>idea. You're supposed to play along, not ardently defend your marriage."</p>
<p>"But…" Yennefer gestures vaguely. "I didn't know you were going to sit there and say horrible things about yourself!"</p>
<p>"How else was I going to open the proceedings?" Tissaia asks. "I needed to establish that you were lonely and feeling abandoned so that I could seduce you."</p>
<p>Yennefer huffs, taking a sip of her own wine. "Well. I don't like people saying things like that about you."</p>
<p>"Even if it's <em>me </em>saying them?" Tissaia laughs and takes her hand.</p>
<p>"Apparently." Yennefer smiles sheepishly, squeezing Tissaia's fingers. "I think what I've found out is that I don't want strangers to hit on me in hotels."</p>
<p>"I'd rather hoped you already knew that," Tissiaia says, her eyes shining with mirth. She leans in closer. "How about we abandon the roleplay and just make good use of the room I have booked upstairs?"</p>
<p>"You booked a room?" Yennefer laughs. "Seriously?"</p>
<p>"I was committed to the role, Yennefer," Tissaia huffs. "And then you went and spoiled it."</p>
<p>Smiling, Yennefer pecks Tissaia's pouting lips. "What can I say? I'm committed to my wife." She glances down at the bar, where their hands are still linked. She rubs her thumb over the bare skin of Tissaia's ring finger. "Speaking of, where's your wedding ring?"</p>
<p>"In my purse," Tissaia says. "I felt like one of us should be unmarried in this scenario."</p>
<p>Yennefer grabs Tissaia's bag from where it lies on the bar and takes out her purse to retrieve the item in question. Lifting Tissaia's left hand, she slides the ring back into its proper place. "There, that's better."</p>
<p>Tissaia smiles. "So much for your roleplaying fantasy."</p>
<p>Yennefer drains her glass and stands. She holds out a hand. "Turns out my reality is a whole lot better."</p>
<p>With a roll of her eyes, Tissaia takes her hand.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Water</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter involves sexy times. Skip it if you're not into that.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The warm evening air hitting her skin as she steps out onto the balcony is welcome after the air conditioned apartment. Once more, she mentally pats herself on the back for persuading Tissaia to pay that little bit extra for a luxury apartment with a private infinity pool. She sets the drinks she'd gone to fetch down on the table and just takes a moment to appreciate the view.</p>
<p>Tissaia is sitting on the edge of the pool at the steps, with her legs in the water. The pool lights have come on, giving it an otherworldly glow against the fading light of the sky. Tissaia has opted for a bikini, its dark teal material standing out against her pale skin. Yennefer wets her lips as she follows the curve of Tissaia's back down to her bikini bottoms.</p>
<p>"The water's lovely."</p>
<p>Her eyes shoot back up to meet Tissaia's amused ones.</p>
<p>"So's the view," Yennefer says, but she shrugs off the bathrobe she'd put on while she'd been fixing the drinks to reveal her own black two-piece and approaches the pool. Instead of joining Tissaia on the edge, she sits behind her, her legs long enough to comfortably reach the water. She hums as she wraps her arms around Tissaia's midriff and rests her chin on her shoulder. "It is nice."</p>
<p>"I'm glad we did this," Tissaia says, leaning back in Yennefer's arms. "You were right, we needed a break."</p>
<p>"See? I'm sometimes right." Yennefer nibbles at a prominent tendon in Tissaia's neck, making her shiver.</p>
<p>"Occasionally," Tissaia admits. She reaches up, threading her fingers through Yennefer's thick hair, scratching at her scalp.</p>
<p>Yennefer smiles against her skin, kissing around her neck until her mouth hits the ties of her bikini. Carefully, she finds the end and takes it between her teeth, drawing back slowly until it comes undone. Tissaia gasps, her hands flying to her breasts to keep the garment in place.</p>
<p>"What are you doing?" she hisses. "We're outside!"</p>
<p>"And nobody can see us," Yennefer murmurs, her hand snaking between them to untie the lower bow. "Nobody can see us. It's like we're the only two people in the world, up here." She slides her hands up Tissaia's arms to her wrists, encircling them. "Let it go," she whispers against her ear. "No-one will see you but me, I promise."</p>
<p>Hesitantly, Tissaia lets Yennefer move her hands away, allowing the top to fall into the pool. Yennefer's hands take over where Tissaia's left off, cupping her tits, thumbs playing with erect nipples. A spike of arousal shoots through her like lightning and she feels herself grow slick. Her hips press forward, against Tissaia's backside, but then Tissaia slips from her hold and stands, walking down the steps until she's waist deep in water. She turns, then, and smiles.</p>
<p>"Are you coming in?"</p>
<p>Foregoing the stairs, Yennefer shifts to the side and lets herself drop into the warm water. She glides to Tissaia, their eyes locked, and meets her in a hungry kiss. At some point during the kiss, Tissaia divests her of her own bikini top and skin meets skin, smooth and wet and thrilling. Tissaia bends to run her tongue over Yennefer's nipple before covering it with her mouth. The slick heat of Tissaia's mouth after the cool water is wonderfully jarring and Yennefer hears herself moan. She runs her hands down Tissaia's back, slipping her fingers beneath her bikini bottoms and digging her fingernails into the flesh she finds there, earning a gasp for her efforts.</p>
<p>She can't wait another second, and she moves her hands to the back of Tissaia's thighs, lifting her and turning to move them both to the deeper end of the pool. She helps Tissaia up so she's just perched on the edge, with Yennefer between her legs. She looks up and her heart seizes. Tissaia's chest is heaving with every laboured breath, making her tits bounce spectacularly. Her eyes are dark and dancing with the reflection of the pool lights. She touches Yennefer's head, gently pulling her closer.</p>
<p>Grinning, Yennefer takes the hint. She turns to kiss the pale inside of Tissaia's thigh, running her nose up and kissing her over her bikini bottoms. Tissaia jerks forward but Yennefer holds her in place. She hooks her fingers into the waistband and Tissaia lifts her hips to help with the removal of the barrier between them. Bottoms discarded, Yennefer returns to her task. She adjusts Tissaia's legs so that they rest over her shoulders and Tissaia leans back on her hands. Yennefer steadies her with firm hands on her hips and leans in for her first taste.</p>
<p>She runs her tongue up the length of Tissaia, flattening it against her clit and slowing her movements. Tissaia cries out from above and Yennefer grins. She teases Tissaia with just the tip of her tongue, briefly, before returning to lavish long, torturous strokes.</p>
<p>"Oh...Oh, Yennef-" Tissaia's breath hitches and one hand comes to grip the back of Yennefer's head. "That's- Oh God."</p>
<p>Yennefer hums against her, eliciting a groan and resulting in Tissaia pressing harder against her face.</p>
<p>"Yen. I need to-" Tissaia sucks in a breath. "<em>Please</em>."</p>
<p>With only a fleeting thought of keeping Tissaia on the edge for a while longer, Yennefer acquiesces; she can never resist Tissaia when she says 'please'. So she adjusts her rhythm and pressure, making sure to dip inside Tissaia every few strokes, and sure enough before long Tissaia's hips jerk and her heel digs into Yennefer's shoulder. Yen slides her hands up, taking advantage of Tissaia's boneless state to encourage her into the water again. It's just <em>slightly </em>too deep for Tissaia to be able to stand comfortably so Yen wraps her legs around her waist and holds her while her breathing returns to normal.</p>
<p>"That was-" Tissaia sighs into her neck. "Amazing."</p>
<p>"As always," Yennefer agrees. "And I bet you even forgot you were naked outdoors."</p>
<p>Tissaia laughs. "I did, actually." She lifts her head, looking down at Yennefer before bringing their lips together. "And now, darling, I'm going to make you forget your own name."</p>
<p>Yennefer grins. Oh yes, this was definitely a great idea.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Lightning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yennefer is still a student at Aretuza here, so there is no romantic element to this ficlet.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She feels the girl's presence long before the knock on her door sounds. She sighs.</p><p>"Come in, Piglet."</p><p>The door opens and the girl enters. Tissaia keeps her face impassive, but she can't help noticing that the girl is carrying herself a little differently this evening. Where she usually bends into the curvature of her spine, making herself as small as she can, she's standing up straighter now, taller.</p><p>Tissaia purposefully does not keep a chair for visitors by her desk as some of the other teachers do, and she leaves Yennefer to stand while she finishes off the notes she's taking. When she hears her start to fidget she sets down her quill and looks up, linking her hands on her desk.</p><p>"What do you want?"</p><p>The girl's face twists in that way it always does when she's reticent to speak. She worries at the bandages Tissaia had retied around her wrists earlier that day.</p><p>"I can still feel it," she says, eventually.</p><p>"Feel what?" Tissaia prompts.</p><p>"The lightning." Yennefer touches a hand to her chest and then her stomach, as if trying to identify where she can feel it. "It's still inside me. It's under my skin and I-" She frowns. "I think it wants out."</p><p>Tissaia sighs and stands, moving around her desk to stand in front of the girl. She can see faint and fleeting crackles of chaos moving across the skin of her neck. She finds herself surprised that the girl can host such an erratic form of chaos as lightning at such a young age and with so little control.</p><p>"You haven't discharged all of the chaos you absorbed," Tissaia tells her.</p><p>"Is that dangerous?" Yennefer asks, eyes widening.</p><p>"Only if you direct it at one of your classmates the next time you feel slighted," Tissaia observes.</p><p>Yennefer rolls her eyes. "She's just so <em>smug</em> about everything."</p><p>"She has reason to be," Tissaia says. "She listens, she studies and she works hard."</p><p>"And I don't, I suppose," Yennefer says.</p><p>"No, you don't," Tissaia snaps. "You rely on your natural access to chaos to get you by." She sees Yennefer preen at this assessment and shakes her head. "That will only get you so far, Piglet. And it may well get you killed. I do not emphasise the importance of balance and control for nothing."</p><p>"What happened to me today was different from what happened to Doralis, wasn't it?" Yennefer persists.</p><p>"Clearly," Tissaia frowns.</p><p>"The lightning hurt her. It didn't hurt me. I can feel it, like an itch or something, but it doesn't hurt."</p><p>"As I said, you absorbed it," Tissaia says. "And redirected it."</p><p>"Like you did," Yennefer points out. "When I shot it at Sabrina, you caught it and redirected it."</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>She can feel the same pride radiating from the girl as she had when she'd spoken to her earlier in the day. She <em>wants </em>to be like Tissaia. She wants to have that same level of power. Tissaia can work with that. She lifts her chin.</p><p>"Hold up your hand," she instructs the girl.</p><p>"Which one?" Yennefer looks at both of her hands.</p><p>"The one that feels right," Tissaia says. "When you think of channelling your chaos."</p><p>Yennefer holds up her left hand and Tissaia nods. She mirrors the stance, holding up her left hand.</p><p>"Now, close your eyes." After a moment's hesitation, Yennefer obeys the instruction. Tissaia inhales through her nose. "Think about the lightning. Locate it in your body. Feel its swirl and crackle." She watches Yennefer's face closely, watches her eyes move beneath closed eyelids, her mouth slightly open. "Can you feel it."</p><p>Yennefer's brow creases. "Yes. Yes, but...it moves."</p><p>Tissaia nods, her lips quirking at the edges. "Catch it," Tissaia whispers. "Control it. It's in your body. <em>You </em>are in control. Hold it steady."</p><p>Slowly, Yennefer's lips curl into a smile. "I have it."</p><p>"Good. Open your eyes."</p><p>Yennefer's brows lower. "It's-it's gone again."</p><p>"Concentrate on keeping it where you want it," Tissaia tells her. "Grasp it and hold it, and open your eyes."</p><p>Slowly, Yennefer opens her eyes. She grins. Tissaia nods.</p><p>"Now, direct it into my hand."</p><p>"What?" Yennefer shakes her head. "I- I can't. I'll hurt you."</p><p>"You will not hurt me," Tissaia says. "Look into my eyes, find the connection, and send the lightning to me."</p><p>Yennefer meets her eyes and Tissaia holds her gaze, unwavering and certain. She waits until she feels the girl's chaos calm and settle and then she nods. Lightning erupts from Yennefer's palm, arcing into her own, and for a few seconds they are joined by chaos. Then it is gone. Tissaia breathes and lets the new chaos meld with her own, pushing it down and taming it. Yennefer is watching her carefully.</p><p>"Better?" she asks.</p><p>Nodding, Yennefer looks at her palm and back at Tissaia. "Yes. It's gone."</p><p>"It's not <em>gone</em>, Piglet," Tissaia says. "It's in me. Chaos doesn't disappear. It changes form, it shifts and moves, but it remains."</p><p>Yennefer nods. "I understand."</p><p>"Good." Tissaia lifts a finger and the door opens. "You may go now."</p><p>Yennefer heads to the door, but turns when she reaches it. "Will I be able to do that someday? Hold it inside, like you can?"</p><p>Pursing her lips, Tissaia lifts her eyebrows. "If you pay attention in lessons, and study hard."</p><p>Yennefer rolls her eyes, but she's smiling. "Thank you."</p><p>"Goodnight, Piglet."</p><p>She closes the door with a gesture, making Yennefer yelp and scurry out. Tissaia inhales slowly. That girl is going to be her greatest triumph, or her worst failure. There is no in between.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Music</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the hour grows late, people begin to settle in for what might be their last night on earth. Yennefer wanders the hillside, smiling as she sees couples huddled under blankets, stealing a few last moments of pleasure from this life.</p>
<p>The mournful wail of a fiddle starts up a little distance away, followed by a voice singing an old folk song in a dead language. Yennefer follows the sound to a sparse gathering of people seated around a fire. A figure stands apart from the crowd, just behind and out of the glow of the fire, but Yennefer would recognise it anywhere. Unsure how she'll be received given how Tissaia left their conversation earlier, Yennefer sucks in a breath and heads over to stand beside her. She's surprised to see Tissaia turn her face away and dab at the corner of her eyes as she approaches.</p>
<p>"Is everything alright?" Yennefer asks.</p>
<p>"Yes." Tissaia rolls her eyes. "I was just...allowing myself a moment of foolish sentimentality."</p>
<p>Nodding, Yennefer turns so that she's facing the fire, giving Tissaia a reprieve from having to face her directly. "You know the song?"</p>
<p>"I do." Tissaia sighs. "I'm old enough to remember when this language was spoken commonly in certain regions. And now it's gone and I'm still here." She shakes her head.</p>
<p>Yennefer clicks her tongue. "You don't look a day over two hundred," she says, though she finds herself unsettled by this contemplative Tissaia. She's never heard her express doubt in herself or her abilities.</p>
<p>Tissaia smiles, but it fades quickly. "I said to you yesterday that Aretuza is all I have, and that-" She pauses, frowning. "Perhaps I have outstayed my usefulness there precisely because I had nothing else in my life."</p>
<p>"What are you <em>talking </em>about?" Yennefer asks, moving to stand in front of Tissaia now. "You keep that whole place going. If not for you-"</p>
<p>"If not for me, someone younger, more...forward thinking, may have been able to avert this crisis long before now," Tissaia says, meeting Yennefer's eyes. "I allowed this to happen for the sake of diplomacy and maintaining balance." She swallows and shakes her head. "And now I have had to ask you and the others to put yourselves in danger, to risk your <em>lives, </em>to fix my mistakes."</p>
<p>At various points in her life, Yennefer would have relished the opportunity to see the great Tissaia brought low. But now she is confronted with it, she finds herself upset and confused and determined to make it stop.</p>
<p>"We all came to fight willingly, Tissaia." She tilts her head. "Have you ever known me to do something I didn't want to do?"</p>
<p>Tissaia closes her eyes and smiles. "You don't have to try and make me feel better, Yennefer." She sniffs and meets Yennefer's eyes. "I have many regrets in life. And amongst the greatest of them is our estrangement."</p>
<p>Her throat tightening, Yennefer swallows. "Why?" she whispers. "Why would that-"</p>
<p>"Because I knew from the first moment I felt your chaos that you were special, Yennefer," Tissaia says, tongue loosened by ale or impending death. Perhaps both. "I treated you harshly, I know, but that is my way with all my girls and I-" Her brow creases, she looks pained. "I should have let you know, I should have <em>shown </em>you-"</p>
<p>"You did," Yennefer tells her. "On some level, in some way, you did." She throws her hands out and gestures around them. "Otherwise why would I be here? Why would I have come back to Aretuza simply because I was told you wanted me there?"</p>
<p>"Is <em>that </em>why you came?" Tissaia asks.</p>
<p>"Yes." No point in artifice now. "Vilgefortz led me to believe you had asked for me." She wrinkles her nose. "He didn't say it outright, as he has since pointed out to me, but that was the implication. And I came without question."</p>
<p>Tissaia moves a step closer and lifts a hand to cup her cheek. "I do not deserve such loyalty, but I am thankful for it nonetheless."</p>
<p>Closing her eyes, Yennefer wills herself not to cry at this simple touch that she has craved, in one form or another, for most of her life.</p>
<p>"I think we should both make a pact to survive tomorrow," Yennefer says, eventually. "Because I would like very much to hear more about how special I am to you."</p>
<p>Tissaia's thumb strokes below her eye. "You must survive, Yennefer. You are destined for greater things than this. The world needs you."</p>
<p>"It needs you too," Yennefer says, opening her eyes and grasping Tissaia's chin when she looks away. "<em>We </em>need you." Her voice grows hoarse. "<em>I </em>need you."</p>
<p>After a long moment, Tissaia nods. "Then we must both try and survive, agreed?"</p>
<p>"Agreed."</p>
<p>Perhaps realising how close they are standing, Tissaia lets go of her and steps back. Yennefer clears her throat and moves to stand by Tissaia's shoulder again, giving them both a moment to compose themselves. Deciding they've had enough emotional talk for one night, Yennefer lightens the tone.</p>
<p>"You decided against warming Vilgefortz's bedroll after all, then?"</p>
<p>Tissaia lets out a short laugh. "Can you really imagine me rutting in the dirt?"</p>
<p>Yennefer closes her eyes, lifting her face to the sky. "Yes. Quite vividly as it happens." Tissaia's shoulder bumps against her own and she smiles. "Not that I'd have grudged you a night of passion, but I think you made the right decision-"</p>
<p>"It wasn't a decision, It was never even a-"</p>
<p>"He's not good enough for you," Yennefer blurts out, before she can stop herself. "He's full of himself. Far too smug and self-assured." She sneers. "He's handsome, enough, but he's well aware of that fact."</p>
<p>"Well," Tissaia begins. "Thank you for that concise summation. But he is not...that is not where my tastes lie, Yennefer."</p>
<p>"Oh?" Yennefer turns, intrigued. "And where <em>do</em> they lie?"</p>
<p>Tissaia lifts an eyebrow and purses her lips. "Survive tomorrow, and I may tell you."</p>
<p>And with a brief squeeze of Yennefer's fingers, she walks away, nodding to the musicians as the song comes to an end.</p>
<p>Yennefer watches her go, and in that instant, she resolves to make it through the coming battle.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Beauty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Content warning: contains discussion of scars/scarring and accompanying psychological impacts</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tissaia gasps for air, grasping blindly for Yennefer's hair or shoulder or any part of her she can reach. A kiss is pressed to her oversensitive flesh and she can feel the smile in it before Yennefer kisses up her belly, between her breasts, to settle on top of her.</p>
<p>"Good?" Yennefer asks, pressing a sloppy kiss to her jaw.</p>
<p>"Good?" Tissaia laughs. "You have a talent for understatement, dear." She hums when Yennefer burrows her face against her hair, kissing her ear.</p>
<p>Running her hand down Yennefer's back, she plucks at the hem of the shirt she's still wearing. "Will- will you let me-"</p>
<p>Yennefer cuts her off with a kiss. "Shhhh." She kisses her again. "I'm fine."</p>
<p>She rests her head on Tissaia's shoulder and snuggles in, their breathing loud in the otherwise silent room. Tissaia twists her fingers in Yennefer's long hair, twirling it around as she stares at the ceiling. They've been dating for a couple of months now. They'd met by chance at a work seminar about current ethical considerations in scientific fields, and struck up a conversation over the rather controversial views of one of the speakers. At the end of the day, Yennefer invited Tissaia to go for a drink to a nearby bar, and that's how it started.</p>
<p>It's been wonderful, really. Yennefer is funny, and kind, and opinionated. Being in similar lines of work, they find plenty to talk, and argue about. And she's so breathtakingly beautiful Tissaia can hardly believe she even looked twice at her. (One of her friends also offered this opinion after meeting Yennefer for the first time, but Coral is renowned for her straight talking ways so Tissaia had tried not to take it to heart.)</p>
<p>But when it comes to more intimate matters, there's something sitting awkwardly between them. Yennefer is very tactile. She holds Tissaia's hand when they're out walking, they can't sit on the couch together without Yennefer finding some ridiculous way to wrap herself around Tissaia. They kiss all the time. Yennefer can't leave a room without stealing a peck, or more.</p>
<p>In bed, she's all over Tissaia. But she has yet to let Tissaia reciprocate in any meaningful way. Moreover, she keeps her clothes on at all times. She's made every excuse under the sun - she's tired, Tissaia's tired, it's too cold, she has work in the morning. And before long, Tissaia understood that there was something deeper at play.</p>
<p>She's been through every horrific scenario she can imagine, along with some more mundane ones. But it's now getting to the point where their relationship is serious enough that she needs to understand what she's dealing with. She can't risk doing something in the heat of the moment that might upset or trigger Yennefer, so she needs to know what's allowed and what isn't. Understanding why would also be useful, but she knows that might be a step too far right now.</p>
<p>"Yen?" she murmurs, aware that the other woman is still awake. She shakes her gently. "Can we talk about something?"</p>
<p>The change in Yennefer's body is immediate. Her muscles tighten, and her breathing speeds up. Tissaia strokes her arm, from her bicep to her elbow, in an attempt to soften the question.</p>
<p>"What do you want to talk about?" Yennefer says, her voice flat, as if she knows what's coming.</p>
<p>Now that she's opened the conversation, Tissaia finds herself at a loss for how to ask the questions she needs to ask. She closes her eyes, keeping up the rhythmic stroking of Yennefer's arm.</p>
<p>"I'd like to understand-" She begins. "I mean, I'd-" She sighs. "This isn't any kind of, I don't know, complaint-" She winces, that's not a good word. "I'm really enjoying what we're doing, and I really hope it can continue-"</p>
<p>"But," Yennefer interjects. "There's a but coming." She sits up, her back to Tissaia. "Go on, then."</p>
<p>Tissaia sighs and sits up as well. Suddenly aware of her nakedness, she pulls the duvet up over her breasts and leans her chin on Yennefer's shoulder.</p>
<p>"I just don't want to do anything to upset you," she says, finally. "It's clear that you have some...issues around intimacy, and I don't want to-" She has to catch herself on her arm when Yennefer moves suddenly, and gets up.</p>
<p>"It's always fucking sex," Yennefer mutters. "That's what it always comes down to, isn't it?" She hurriedly pulls her boots on.</p>
<p>"What? No! Of course not!" Tissaia stands, trying to keep the duvet around her. "Yennefer, that's exactly what I'm trying to say. This isn't- sex isn't some kind of dealbreaker. I just need to know what I'm dealing with here."</p>
<p>Yennefer scowls up at her from where she's bent over to zip up her boot. "What you're <em>dealing with</em>?"</p>
<p>"Well, that's not-" Tissaia sighs. "I need to know what you're comfortable with so that I can adapt my-"</p>
<p>"Oh yes, do go on," Yennefer snaps, standing up to her full height. In heeled boots, with Tissaia barefoot, she towers over her. "Please make me feel a bit <em>more </em>like one of your fucking experiments. What are the variables here, hmmm? Environment? Lingerie? Use of sex toys?"</p>
<p>"Yennefer, you're being ridiculous," Tissaia says. "I'm <em>trying </em>to have a grown-up discussion with you about something that affects both of us and you're deliberately twisting my words to make it sound like I'm...I don't even know, <em>objectifying </em>you?"</p>
<p>"Look, just let's forget the whole thing, yeah?" Yennefer says, already on her way to the door. "It was fun while it lasted."</p>
<p>She slams the bedroom door before Tissaia can move. By the time she gets to the top of the stairs, the front door is also slammed. Tissaia sinks down to sit on the top stair, thinking back over the conversation and trying to work out where it went so wrong.</p>
<p>She gets up and returns to the bedroom, hurrying to the window in time to see Yennefer's car pull out of the drive and speed off down the road. Tears burn at the back of her eyes. This wasn't what she wanted to happen. She turns away from the window and locates her phone by the bed. She types out a message.</p>
<p>
  <em>Don't read this while you're driving, but please call me when you stop.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm so sorry if what I said upset you or made you feel like I was belittling you. That was never my intention. I really just need to know what your needs are. I don't need to know why, I just need to know what I should and shouldn't do. I promise, that's all I wanted to talk about.</em>
</p>
<p>She hesitates, unsure how to end the message.</p>
<p>
  <em>Let's not throw this away. Let's try again.</em>
</p>
<p>She sighs and types a single, final word.</p>
<p>
  <em>Please.</em>
</p>
<p>Before she can rethink her actions, she hits send and closes her eyes. All she can do now is wait.</p>
<p>After she sent the message, she pulled on a pair of pyjamas and went downstairs for a glass of water, in the hope that Yennefer might come back. She didn't.</p>
<hr/>
<p>It's gone three in the morning when her phone buzzes. She's not slept a wink, so she grabs it immediately, expecting to see a text, but the display shows Yennefer's smiling face, indicating that a call is coming in. With shaking fingers, Tissaia answers it.</p>
<p>"Yennefer?" she whispers.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry."</p>
<p>"It's okay," Tissaia says, quickly. "You don't have to apologise. I was-"</p>
<p>"No, I do." Yennefer's voice is rough and her nose sounds stuffy, so Tissaia can only surmise that she's been crying. "You were right, you were trying to have an adult conversation and I-" She sighs. "I'm not good at having adult conversations."</p>
<p>"You're doing okay at this one," Tissaia says, daring to smile in the hope that Yennefer can hear it. She's rewarded with a soft laugh.</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>There's a pause that goes on for long enough that Tissaia thinks she should probably speak, but Yennefer's voice starts up again.</p>
<p>"Look, just so you know, it's probably not what you're thinking it is," she says. "My...issues."</p>
<p>"I honestly don't know what I'm thinking it is," Tissaia admits, though she does relax a tiny bit at Yennefer's implication; she's not been assaulted. "And you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. As I said, I only want to know that I'm not accidentally going to do something to upset or hurt you."</p>
<p>She hears Yennefer's breathing change; faster and deeper through her nose. And she realises she's trying not to cry.</p>
<p>"Yennefer, honestly, we don't have to do this now."</p>
<p>"I <em>want</em> to," Yennefer whispers. "You're <em>so </em>amazing and I love spending time with you <em>so </em>much and you're being so understanding and I just-"</p>
<p>"It's okay," Tissaia says, trying to be as comforting as she can over the phone. "It doesn't matter. Not tonight. Not until you're ready to tell me."</p>
<p>"The thing is, when I tell you, you'll probably think I'm making a big deal out of nothing and-"</p>
<p>"I won't." Tissaia shakes her head. "Whatever it is, it's a big deal to you, and that's what matters."</p>
<p>Another interminable pause.</p>
<p>"I have scars. On my back."</p>
<p>"Okay," Tissaia says, a hundred possible scenarios running anew through her head.</p>
<p>"Surgical scars," Yennefer clarifies and Tissaia closes her eyes in relief. "I was born with a condition called Sprengel's Deformity."</p>
<p>"That's where-" Tissaia scrunches up her brow in thought as she chases a vague memory. "One of the shoulderblades is higher than the other, yes?"</p>
<p>"Clever clogs," Yennefer says. "Yep, that's the one. You're supposed to get it sorted when you're a kid and it's mostly fine. But my parents were...let's just say they didn't give a shit about any of the kids they popped out every couple of years. So my condition was left untreated too long and became more complicated."</p>
<p>"Oh, Yennefer," Tissaia breathes. "I'm so sorry you-"</p>
<p>"Just...just let me finish, okay?" Yennefer says, softly. "The Sprengel's meant I developed scoliosis, which was also left to go longer than it should have been. All of which means my teens were pretty much spent in hospital, being sliced open for them to try and fix me. So my back looks like the fucking Tube map. And I hate it and-" She stops, but Tissaia keeps quiet, allowing her time to finish. "And when I think of anyone seeing it I just- I can't." She sniffs. "So that's why I can't...when we're together, I can't-"</p>
<p>"It's okay," Tissaia soothes. "It's okay. I understand." She covers her mouth, willing the lump in her throat to recede so that she can speak properly. "As I said to you earlier, none of this in any way makes me think differently of you, or- or <em>like</em> you any less than I did before." She shakes her head. "I just wanted us to find a place where we were both comfortable and we knew where we stood."</p>
<p>"I know." Yennefer lets out a soft chuckle. "I think I'm just not used to dating people who want to talk about this stuff." She sighs. "Or maybe it's because I usually run for the hills at the first signs of this conversation."</p>
<p>"It could be that, yes," Tissaia says, with a wry smile. "I meant what I said. I don't want us to throw this away. And if that means taking things slowly, or doing things differently, then I am more than willing to try."</p>
<p>"Shit. Could you maybe <em>stop </em>showing me up for a second by being absolutely perfect?"</p>
<p>"No-one's perfect, Yennefer," Tissaia says. "And perfect means different things to different people."</p>
<p>"I-I still don't know if I can show you," Yennefer says, haltingly.</p>
<p>"You don't have to," Tissaia assures her. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to. If you get to a point where you feel comfortable enough to show me, then fine. Either way, it's not going to affect how I feel about you."</p>
<p>Yennefer blows out a breath; the sound of it moving over the microphone tickles Tissaia's ear. "Okay. So...what now?"</p>
<p>Glancing at the clock on her phone, Tissaia shakes her head. "Well, given that it's almost four in the morning, I think we should both get some rest and pick this up in the morning."</p>
<p>"Yeah. Probably." A pause. "Except I'm sitting on your front step and I'd really like a cuddle."</p>
<p>"What?" Tissaia is up and out of bed immediately. She heads downstairs and opens the front door, just as Yennefer's getting to her feet. She looks up at Tissaia with puffy eyes and smiles.</p>
<p>"Hi."</p>
<p>Tissaia drops her phone and moves out onto the concrete step, wrapping her arms around Yennefer's neck and closing her eyes. Yennefer's arms wrap around her waist, pulling her close. Tissaia presses her nose to Yennefer's cheek and frowns.</p>
<p>"You're cold," she murmurs.</p>
<p>"Yeah." Yennefer shivers in her arms. "My arse is totally numb from sitting on that step."</p>
<p>Tissaia pulls back to look at her. "How long were you sitting there?"</p>
<p>"Since about half an hour after I left." Yennefer nods down the street. "I pulled over just down there and read your text. And then I walked back up and sat for far too long, deciding whether or not to call you." She looks up and down the quiet suburban road. "I hope the Neighbourhood Watch haven't reported me to the police."</p>
<p>"Come in, you idiot," Tissaia says, pulling her inside and through to the kitchen. She shoves her into a chair and moves to put the kettle on. "I'll fix you a cuppa and a hot water bottle."</p>
<p>"Thank you," Yennefer says, and Tissaia looks over with a frown.</p>
<p>"It's hardly a-"</p>
<p>"Not for the tea, or the hot water bottle," Yennefer says. "Sexy though that combo sounds, I meant just, you know, in general. For tonight." She rolls her eyes, which are glassy. "For giving me a chance after I stormed out like a fucking baby."</p>
<p>Leaving the tea making paraphernalia for the moment, Tissaia moves closer to Yennefer and takes her hand. "Thank <em>you</em>, for trusting me enough to give us a chance."</p>
<p>Yennefer nods, tears spilling over her lashes. She pulls Tissaia closer and buries her face in her stomach, wrapping an arm around her waist. Tissaia cups the back of Yennefer's head and closes her eyes.</p>
<p>"We'll be okay," Tissaia whispers.</p>
<p>Yennefer nods against her.</p>
<p>Tissaia smiles.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Hands</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She watches as gentle fingers trace the fading burns on her palms. A blunt fingernail follows the lines, gradually becoming more visible as the healing enchantments take hold, and the balms and poultices she's forced to endure do their work. Sodden has left them all with wounds; not all of them on the outside. But these, at least, will get better. Tissaia has seen to it that the most skilled healers work on Yennefer regularly, citing her heroics as the reason for this privilege. But Yennefer hopes it's not just that.</p>
<p>Tissaia's touches are achingly tender these days. At least once a day she will insist on inspecting Yennefer's hands herself. Each time, she gently peels back the bandages and sets them aside. Then she'll take Yennefer's hands into her own, turning them this way and that, inspecting the backs of them, then the palms. Then she'll set one hand in her own lap, while she checks the details of the other. Each finger is caressed, testing for blood flow and flexibility. She then pays the other hand the same attention. And finally, she'll take both hands in her own again and hold them briefly, before giving her assessment to Yennefer on the progress of her healing.</p>
<p>"They're looking good," she says, now, fingers still tangled in Yennefer's. "I think another few days and we can dispense with the wrappings."</p>
<p>Yennefer hums. "Does that mean our little hand-holding sessions will stop?" she asks, tightening her grip when Tissaia tries to pull away.</p>
<p>"You talk such nonsense," Tissaia says, but there's a flush of pink sitting along her cheekbones. It's nice to see colour return to her face after the way she'd looked directly after the battle. Pale and clammy as her body fought against the dimeritium flooding it. "I merely need to check that you are healing as expected."</p>
<p>"I have visits from healers coming out of my arse," Yennefer points out. "I am most definitely the best looked after and most coddled patient the infirmary here has ever seen." She squeezes Tissaia's hands. "You don't <em>need </em>to check anything. I think you <em>want </em>to."</p>
<p>Tissaia's head is bowed, her eyes on their joined hands.</p>
<p>"I-" She sighs. "It's my fault."</p>
<p>"What?" Yennefer ducks her head, trying to see Tissaia's eyes. "What is?"</p>
<p>"It's my fault that you are burned." Tissaia looks up now, her mouth set in a firm line, though there is a tremble to her lower lip. "It's my fault that others are hurt, or dead." She closes her eyes. "I asked you to come to Sodden. I asked you to unleash the full force of your chaos. If not for me, you'd still be-"</p>
<p>"I'd still be wandering around the Continent, aimless and unhappy," Yennefer tells her.</p>
<p>"And are you happy now?" Tissaia asks. "After weeks of debilitating pain?"</p>
<p>"I'm happier now than I've ever been, I think." She hadn't realised she held that view until she hears herself speaking it aloud. "I-" She shakes her head. "I think I found something on that wretched hill. Something I wasn't aware I was looking for."</p>
<p>Tissaia frowns. "What did you find?"</p>
<p>"Something shifted between us that night," Yennefer says. "We both know it." She lifts their joined hands to her mouth and presses a soft kiss on Tissaia's knuckles, smiling when she hears the sharp intake of breath. She meets Tissaia's eyes and holds her gaze. "I found purpose...something to fight <em>for </em>instead of against." She blinks against the sudden stinging in her eyes. "I fought for <em>you</em>, Tissaia." She rushes to continue when she sees Tissaia draw breath to protest. "And not because you asked. I'm very capable of saying no. I fought because I wanted to."</p>
<p>"Oh, Yennefer." Tissaia pulls her hand free now and brings it to Yennefer's face, hesitating briefly, then only allowing the very tips of her fingers to touch her cheek. "This cannot-" She drops her hand, shaking her head. "I would not have you burdened with me out of some misguided affection brought about by extreme-"</p>
<p>Yennefer kisses her, enjoying the surprised squeak against her lips. Soon enough, Tissaia becomes an active participant in the kiss, cupping Yennefer's cheek and pressing into her. The whimper she lets out when Yennefer pulls away is delightful, although Tissaia appears mortified by the noise.</p>
<p>"It's not misguided," Yennefer says. "And it's not brought on by extreme circumstances or whatever else you were going to say." She smiles. "And if I'm honest, it's not new either."</p>
<p>Tissaia sighs. "Are you certain you want this?" she whispers, as if afraid of the answer. "You know I am tied to Aretuza, that I have responsibilities to the Brotherhood and-"</p>
<p>"And I saw you stand against the Brotherhood, to do what was <em>right</em>." Yennefer presses a soft kiss to Tissaia's lips, just because she can. "I'd like to see where this goes." She waits for a moment. "<em>Please</em>."</p>
<p>Tissaia draws back, eyes narrowed. Yennefer laughs and pulls her back in, pressing their foreheads together. Tissaia's nose brushes against her own in an action too deliberate to have been an accident. Soft lips cover her own in an all too brief kiss.</p>
<p>"I am powerless to say no to you," Tissaia whispers.</p>
<p>"You have never been powerless," Yennefer speaks against Tissaia's lips. "Even with dimeritium flowing in your veins, you were still the most powerful woman in the world."</p>
<p>She feels Tissaia smile. "I think you must accept that title as your own, dear."</p>
<p>"Never. It will always be you." Yennefer pulls away and holds up her hands between them, flexing her fingers. She lifts an eyebrow. "How long did you say before these are fully healed?"</p>
<p>That wonderful pink settles in Tissaia's cheeks again. "A week or so."</p>
<p>Yennefer nods, taking Tissaia's hands in her own. "Then for a week we must make do with this." She brushes their lips together. "And this." She smirks. "But after that, I'm going to show you what these hands are really capable of."</p>
<p>The edge of Tissaia's mouth curls. "<em>My</em> hands function perfectly well now. Why wait?"</p>
<p>Yennefer, for the first time in decades, finds herself speechless.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Aretuza</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Follows on from the earlier prompt '<a href="#section0012">Nilfgaard</a>'.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She's not sure if it's been two days or three since she was unceremoniously dumped into a cell with her former classmate and current enemy. The lack of daylight means time can be told only by how many times someone brings food, and by the changing of the guards posted outside the door.</p>
<p>"Where will you go, if we are ever released?" Fringilla asks, out of nowhere.</p>
<p>"Not so long ago you said we'd never be released," Yennefer mutters, long since fed up of Fringilla's conversation. "Make up your mind."</p>
<p>"If we were, though, where would you go?" Fringilla groans as she eases into a new sitting position. Yennefer can relate; the stone floors and uneven walls of their cell do not bring any comfort. "Where is home, these days?"</p>
<p>"Why would I tell you that?" Yennefer spits. "So you can come and murder me in my bed?" She shakes her head and turns away, hugging her knees to her chest. The truth is she doesn't know the answer to Fringilla's question. Aedirn is no longer home. She's not sure it ever was. She grew up in Vengerberg, but feels no fondness towards it. Absconding from Virfuril's court as she did left her with few friends in the kingdom. So no, not Aedirn.</p>
<p>Rinde had been fun, for a while, but the escapade with Geralt left it in ruins. She acquired properties here and there. Toussaint for wine and warmth, Skellige for anonymity. But nowhere she feels particularly attached to.</p>
<p>The single place that might fall under the banner of 'home' is the one place she swore never to return to, but found herself in not a week since. Aretuza, with all of its bullshit and hypocrisy and politics, is the only place Yennefer can remember feeling safe and cared for in her whole life. She had a warm room, with a soft bed, and was fed three times a day. She had access to hot water and books. She had friends. It was in Aretuza that she learned about herself, about her emotions and how to control them, how to use them to her advantage. She learned to dance, and swim, and kiss there. She honed her chaos there.</p>
<p>And, of course, tied up in every single feeling she has about the place is Tissaia. Every fucking confusing emotion Yennefer has in life involves Tissaia on some level. She closes her eyes now, attempting to block out Fringilla's insistence that she is dead. That just cannot be. Yennefer refuses to believe it. Chaos like Tissaia's is not simply snuffed out by some vengeful former student's grudge. If Tissaia were ever to die, it would need to be in some awe-inspiring way. An explosion that rocks the entire continent. Anything less would not be fitting.</p>
<p>The heavy key turns in the door and Yennefer groans. "Surely it's not time for more of that fucking slop already?"</p>
<p>When she looks over, though, it's not some minion dropping off bowls of gruel. It's Filavandrel himself. The King of the Elves. Yennefer's stomach lurches; this must be it. They are to be told their fate. She scrabbles to her feet, using the chain attached to the cuff on her wrist to pull herself upright. Fringilla is doing the same. Filavandrel steps aside to let someone else enter and Yennefer's heart stops dead in her chest.</p>
<p>There stands Tissaia De Vries, looking as regal as Yennefer's ever seen her in a stiff burgundy dress with the usual high starched collar. Her hands are linked at her waist and her medallion resting on her chest. Her hair is immaculately arranged in a severe bun. She is alive. She meets Yennefer's eyes and the relief in own is stark.</p>
<p>"Tissaia," Yennefer whispers, forgetting for a moment that she is attached to the wall and stepping forward to go to her. She is jerked back when she runs out of chain.</p>
<p>"Guard," Filavandrel calls. "Release her."</p>
<p>Tissaia steps forward, ignoring the guard fumbling with Yennefer's wrist and cups her cheek with a trembling hand. "Are you alright?" she asks.</p>
<p>"You're alive," Yennefer whispers, her sight blurring at the first touch of Tissaia's hand to her grimy face. "You're alive."</p>
<p>"So it would appear." Tissaia strokes her cheek and gives her a smile, before turning to Fringilla. "You seem surprised to see me, Fringilla."</p>
<p>"You should be dead," Fringilla whispers. "There's no way you could have survived that much- I <em>saw </em>you inhale it. I saw you fall."</p>
<p>"Yes, well," Tissaia smirks. "You always did lack the ability to follow-through, my dear. Leaving me for dead without making sure of it was a mistake on your part."</p>
<p>Freed from her dimeritium cuff, Yennefer throws her arms around Tissaia, inhaling her warm, clean scent. "You're alive."</p>
<p>Tissaia pushes her back, examining her face. "You are unharmed?" she asks, her eyes flitting over Yennefer's ragged dress and generally bedraggled appearance.</p>
<p>"You doubt my word, Rectoress?" Filavandrel asks. "I told you I had expressly ordered neither of them be harmed."</p>
<p>"I trust your word, Your Grace," Tissaia says, her eyes still on Yennefer. "I am less trusting of foot soldiers left alone with a beautiful woman, out of the sight of their King."</p>
<p>"I am unharmed," Yennefer confirms. "Unless you count the pounding headache from having to listen to Fringilla for days on end."</p>
<p>The corner of Tissaia's mouth twitches and she nods. "Come, then. Let's get you out of here."</p>
<p>"The score is settled now, yes?" Filavandrel asks, as Tissaia leads Yennefer to the door. "We are even."</p>
<p>Tissaia nods, linking her arm through Yennefer's, glancing up at her face. "I would say so."</p>
<p>They go to leave, but Fringilla's voice calls out to them. Tissaia stops, but does not turn. Yennefer glances back over her shoulder at her former cellmate.</p>
<p>"You're just going to leave me here?" Fringilla cries, straining as far as her chains will allow her. "You <em>know </em>Nilfgaard will not come for me. You know they'll leave to rot."</p>
<p>"I gave you an opportunity to come back to Aretuza," Tissaia says, still facing forward. "I gave you a chance to redeem yourself. And you threw poison in my face." Yennefer tightens her grip on Tissaia's arm. "Goodbye Fringilla."</p>
<p>Tissaia starts to walk again, and Yennefer casts one final look at Fringilla, yanking at her restraints and howling with rage.</p>
<hr/>
<p>They make their way through the caverns in silence, following behind the guard assigned to let them out. Yennefer's mind is racing with gratitude and questions and a multitude of emotions all tangled up in the woman by her side. She resolves to speak about them as soon as is practical when they are alone.</p>
<p>Once they are clear of the Elven keep, Tissaia staggers, reaching out to grasp Yennefer's arm. Yennefer barely manages to keep them both on their feet. "Tissaia? What is it?"</p>
<p>"Nothing," Tissaia doesn't release her grip on Yennefer's arms. "I-" She coughs. "I may have been exaggerating how complete my healing from the dimeritium poisoning was, for Fringilla's benefit." She gives Yennefer a weary smile. "I'm just tired, that's all."</p>
<p>"Then let's sit a while," Yennefer says, leading Tissaia to a nearby collection of trees and helping her to sit against the broad trunk of one of them. She eases herself down, her own fatigue catching up with her. Without thinking, she wraps an arm around Tissaia's shoulders and pulls her close, resting their heads together. She feels more than hears Tissaia sigh in relief.</p>
<p>"Thank you," Yennefer murmurs. "For coming for me."</p>
<p>"No need to thank me," Tissaia says. "It was my fault you were captured in the first place. I would have done whatever was necessary to get you out."</p>
<p>"Did you have to pay a ransom?" Yennefer asks, curious about the answer. She already knows Aretuza is struggling financially, and any large ransom would surely impact quite severely on its future.</p>
<p>"No." Tissaia sags more heavily against her. "I have a long history with the Elves and I- I called in a favour from Filavandrel." Before Yennefer can ask the details of the favour, Tissaia's fingers are on her chin, turning her face around so that their eyes can meet. "But I would have paid, if they had demanded a ransom. I would have paid anything they asked." She takes Yennefer's face in both her hands. "I would have doubled whatever price they put on your head. Tripled it, and still it would not have been enough."</p>
<p>Tears spill from Yennefer's eyes, running over the backs of Tissaia's hands, and she tries to smile. "My price has gone up from four marks, then?" she asks, her voice shaking.</p>
<p>"Oh, Yennefer, don't you know by now?" Tissaia shakes her head, her own eyes shining with tears. "You are priceless."</p>
<p>If asked, Yennefer would not be able to say which of them moved first. All she knows is that when their lips meet in a tear drenched kiss, she knows beyond doubt that she has come home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Swords</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter involves a spell that alters appearance, including the external representation of biological sex. </p><p>Please avoid it if this will cause you any distress.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tissaia stands in the darkest corner of the ballroom, half hidden behind a pillar nursing a goblet of wine, but not drinking it. She needs her wits about her this evening. Her position gives her an excellent view of the ballroom - from the couples spinning around the dancefloor to the individuals more focused on drinking the free alcohol. As she'd hoped, no-one is paying her any notice and most likely think she is the travelling companion or chaperone of one of the minor royals at the ball.</p><p>A familiar burst of chaos draws her attention to the large ballroom doors just before they fly open of their own accord. She frowns when a man steps in, allowing the doors to close behind him. He's tall and handsome, with black wavy hair artfully swept back off his face. His style of dress is more flamboyant than most of the other men present; tight black trousers paired with a white shirt and black and white sequined doublet with a black cape draped over one shoulder. The outfit is finished off by a wide brimmed hat, trimmed with a purple feather and an elaborately decorated scabbard hanging from a leather belt.</p><p>He pauses at the top of the stairs to take in the room. Violet eyes, shining in the light of the torches lining the walls, meet her own and Tissaia's stomach turns to ice.</p><p>"Oh for <em>fuck's </em>sake, Yennefer," she murmurs.</p><p>Yennefer, for there's no doubt in Tissaia's mind that it's her, smiles and starts to head in her direction. Of course, every eye in the place follows her.</p><p>She comes to a halt in front of Tissaia and bows deeply, removing her hat in the process.</p><p>"Good evening, my lady." The voice is deeper, but still carries something of Yennefer's own tone. She stands upright again and takes Tissaia's hand, kissing the back of it. "May I say you look stunning, tonight?"</p><p>Tissaia grasps Yennefer's arm and yanks her around the pillar.</p><p>"What is <em>this</em>?" Tissaia demands, looking Yennefer up and down.</p><p>"You said I should mask my identity," Yennefer says, tilting her head.</p><p>"I meant a simple glamour, Yennefer!" She gestures at her own blonde hair and brown eyes. "I didn't mean for you to turn yourself into-" She flounders. Any words that are coming to mind are far too complimentary for this situation. "-a spectacle."</p><p>Yennefer has the audacity to grin. "Well, you know I never do things by halves, Rectoress."</p><p>"The point of this evening was to observe the attendees in anonymity." Tissaia rubs at the bridge of her nose. "Right now, every woman in this room is working out their chances of bedding you." She glances around the pillar. "And a fair few of the men are too."</p><p>Yennefer lifts an eyebrow. "I suppose we should divest them of that notion, then."</p><p>"And how are we to do that?" Tissaia asks.</p><p>"By showing them I am unavailable."</p><p>Before Tissaia can ask what that means, Yennefer has wrapped an arm around her waist and whisked her out from behind the pillar. She catches sight of a rakish grin before Yennefer leans in and presses their lips together.</p><p>She lets out a squeak, but her hands grasp Yennefer's broad shoulders. In some far off corner of her mind she tells herself she is selling the ruse, but another part of her is aware that her body is reacting of its own accord, pressing close to Yennefer's ridiculously well muscled chest.</p><p>When they part, Tissaia finds herself a little breathless, and she pushes out of the embrace, straightening out her gown.</p><p>"This is ridiculous," she murmurs, as Yennefer takes her arm and places it in the crook of her own. "That little performance will be the talk of the place."</p><p>"What difference does it make?" Yennefer shrugs. "Nobody knows who we are. They'll just tell tales of the devastatingly beautiful and mysterious couple they encountered at a ball."</p><p>Tissaia sighs. "Well, make yourself useful now that you're here, and keep your ear out for any talk of a coup. Preferably without arousing suspicion."</p><p>"Hmmm." Yennefer fidgets. "Sorry, I missed that. Arouse what?"</p><p>"What is wrong with you?" Tissaia hisses.</p><p>Yennefer looks down at her with doleful eyes. "I don't think I quite thought this through."</p><p>"There's a shock," Tissaia says, with a roll of her eyes. "Dare I ask why you think that?"</p><p>"I...uh-" Yennefer places her hand on the hilt of her weapon. "This isn't the only <em>sword</em> I have upon my person. If you take my meaning."</p><p>Tissaia closes her eyes. "Unfortunately I do." She glances down at Yennefer's crotch, a flush warms her cheeks when she realises that their embrace is the likely cause of Yennefer's predicament.</p><p>"I didn't think it would be this...reactive," Yennefer says, squirming. "It was just a kiss!"</p><p>"Why in the world did you think it necessary to equip yourself thusly?" Tissaia tuts.</p><p>"As I said, I don't do things by half," Yennefer wrinkles her nose. "And the trousers didn't sit right without it."</p><p>"Well, think of something unappealing," Tissaia advises, though her own throat is suddenly dry, while certain other areas are anything but.</p><p>"I'm <em>trying</em>. But it's hard." She laughs in delight at herself. "Pardon the pun."</p><p>Tissaia inhales shakily. "I had the misfortune to happen upon Stregobor without clothes on in a bathhouse, once. Imagine that."</p><p>"Oh. Oh, that's working." Yennefer shakes her head. "Though I may require you to wipe my memory of that image."</p><p>"Just...focus on the task at hand," Tissaia snaps. "So we can leave."</p><p>They stand in silence for a while, observing the guests and passing comment on them telepathically.</p><p>"You know," Yennefer begins, and Tissaia can tell by the tone of her voice that it's going to be something terrible. "This spell won't wear off until morning."</p><p>"And?" Tissaia asks.</p><p>"Well, my body has already betrayed my attraction to you. It would seem a shame to waste the opportunity." Yennefer bends so her lips are by Tissaia's ear. "After all, I do like to experience <em>everything</em>."</p><p>There's no denying or hiding the shiver that runs through her entire body in response. She sighs.</p><p>"I have a room at a small tavern on the outskirts of the city," she says, trying not to think about this too deeply. "We can go there and...see what happens."</p><p>"Shit." Yennefer starts squirming.</p><p>"Again?" Tissaia hisses.</p><p>"It's not my fault! You used that stupid sultry tone."</p><p>"I did nothing of the kind." Tissaia says, hiding a smile. "If I'd wanted to sound 'sultry-" she turns to Yennefer and reaches up to run a fingernail along her jaw to her chin, tipping it down and looking up at Yennefer through her lashes. She lowers her voice just slightly, adding a hint of a crack. "-I would have spoken like this."</p><p>"Fuck." Yennefer holds her hat over her crotch. "I...I have to...use the privy."</p><p>Tissaia smiles as she watches Yennefer hurry to the door and make her exit. She returns her attention to the room, resolved to complete the task they came here for.</p><p>Anything that happens after that is something of a bonus.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Wedding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yennefer smiles at some friends as she makes her way back to her table. She sets down the drinks she'd picked up, sliding Tissaia's wine glass closer to her and then taking her seat. She drapes her arm along the back of Tissaia's seat, touching her thumb to Tissaia's bare shoulder. Tissaia looks over and tilts her head in question.</p>
<p>"Penny for them?" Yennefer smiles.</p>
<p>Tissaia shakes her head, picking up her wine glass and taking a sip. "I was just thinking." She nods to the dancefloor where the newlyweds are the centre of attention. Jaskier is trying to teach Geralt the moves to <em>Tragedy </em>by Steps, and it is not going well. "Almost every aspect of today must be Geralt's worst nightmare."</p>
<p>Laughing softly, Yennefer nods. "Oh, completely." Having been one of Geralt's 'groomsmen', Yennefer knows only too well the hardships he went through upon hearing almost every detail of the wedding plans. "The fact that he agreed to any of it is testament to how much he loves Jask."</p>
<p>"Indeed," Tissaia says. "Opposites really do attract."</p>
<p>Yennefer hums. She toys with the strap of Tissaia's teal dress, standing out in stark contrast to the pale skin of her shoulder. "Do you ever regret not having the big fancy do for our wedding?"</p>
<p>"No." The answer is immediate and certain. Tissaia twists to look at her. "Do you?"</p>
<p>"Not for one second," Yennefer says, with a smile. Tissaia nods, relief softening her eyes. Yennefer shifts her chair closer and wraps her arm more fully around Tissaia's shoulders. "This kind of thing is fine if what you want is two hundred people gawping at you all day." She leans in, pressing her forehead to Tissaia's. "Our wedding was about us, and that's what I wanted."</p>
<p>They had essentially eloped. They went to New York on holiday and got married at city hall, having found a couple of witnesses at their hotel. The day had been about nothing more than the two of them making a promise to love each other, and that was what they'd wanted. Triss had been livid when they'd returned complete with wedding rings and a couple of selfies taken after the event.</p>
<p>"A wedding is just a day, it's what comes after that counts," Tissaia muses.</p>
<p>"What came after was pretty spectacular, if I remember rightly," Yennefer murmurs, pressing a kiss to Tissaia's earlobe.</p>
<p>Tissaia shoves her gently. "You know that's not what I was talking about," she chastises. "I mean this." She gestures between herself and Yennefer.</p>
<p>"Oh, the being married bit?" Yennefer grins. "Yeah, that's pretty good too."</p>
<p>Rolling her eyes, Tissaia flattens out the lapel on Yennefer's tailored jacket. She must admit, she was glad Geralt had let Jaskier pick their outfits for the ceremony. If it had been left up to Geralt, they'd have all shown up in old jeans and faded rock band t-shirts. The elegant black suit, cut expertly to highlight her figure, was definitely a good choice.</p>
<p>The Steps classic fades out, and the first notes of a ballad start up. Yennefer stands and holds her hand out to Tissaia. "Would you do the honour of dancing with me, Mrs De Vries?"</p>
<p>Tissaia takes the offered hand with a smile. "Always, Mrs De Vries."</p>
<p>They head out to the dancefloor, hand in hand, joining the other couples already swaying in time with the music. Yennefer turns and takes Tissaia in her arms. They fit together perfectly, Tissaia's head comes to rest on Yennefer's shoulder and Yennefer holds her close, her hand splayed on the bare skin of her back.</p>
<p>She closes her eyes and smiles.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Crown</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Probably linked to <a href="#section0013">this one</a>.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yennefer potters around, tidying up the kitchen and wiping down the surfaces. She's just put a casserole in the oven for dinner and it can be left for a few hours without attention. As she works, she listens to the conversation happening at the kitchen table where Ciri and Tissaia are 'doing crafts'.</p>
<p>"This is going to be a beautiful crown, Ciri," Tissaia says, head bent over the project they're working on. "You'll make a wonderful princess."</p>
<p>"Uh huh." Ciri nods, sticking something sparkly where Tissaia is attempting to neatly colour the white paper yellow. "When I'm a princess, I get called Cirilla."</p>
<p>"Oh, of course." Tissaia looks up and catches Yennefer's eye, she smiles and rolls her eyes. "Princess Cirilla it is, then."</p>
<p>"My daddy says it sounds more posher."</p>
<p>Yennefer catches a laugh and turns it into a cough, turning away from the pair so that she doesn't make Tissaia laugh.</p>
<p>"He's right," Tissaia tells her. "It's terribly posh." Silence returns as they work on the crown.</p>
<p>"Do you know any stories about princesses, 'Ssaia?" Ciri asks, after a while.</p>
<p>Tissaia flashes Yennefer a panicked look and Yennefer takes pity on her. "Yes, she does," she says, coming to sit at the table opposite the other two. She lifts her eyebrows at Ciri. "She knows a story about a Queen who rescued a Princess."</p>
<p>Ciri gasps. "From a tower?"</p>
<p>"No!" Yennefer widens her eyes. "This princess was trapped underground! So deep that there were no windows, and no light coming in and she had to squint to see anything." Yennefer narrows her eyes and leans across the table, peering at Ciri. Tissaia is watching her, amused and confused. "The Princess had locked herself away, because she didn't like the world very much."</p>
<p>"She locked <em>herself </em>away?" Ciri's brow is creased. "That's not what happens, mummy. Princesses don't lock themselves up."</p>
<p>"Well, this one did. She was fed up of having to listen to stupid people tell her what to do, and she had decided that she would never fall in love with anybody, because they were all too boring," Yennefer says, seeing realisation dawn on Tissaia's face.</p>
<p>After a fairly horrific childhood, Yennefer had grown tired of the world and everyone in it. A one night stand with Geralt had resulted in Ciri, who she immediately gave Geralt custody of; how could she possibly be a parent when she had no clue even how to take care of herself? She visited her often, and loved her fiercely, but she was terrified of hurting her somehow.</p>
<p>She'd closed herself off to attachments, choosing instead to keep her head down and work hard, progressing quickly in her chosen career of forensic anthropology. She liked the fact that most people thought old bones were creepy and didn't necessarily want to spend a lot of time in her office or her basement lab. The dead are good company and require very little by way of conversation.</p>
<p>She had been called to give evidence at a court hearing one day and had met Tissaia De Vries QC. And everything had changed.</p>
<p>"And what did the Queen do to rescue her?" Ciri says, her expression still a little sceptical, even as she asks for more detail. "Did she climb up the Princess' hair? Or fight a dragon?"</p>
<p>"She <em>did </em>fight a dragon, as it happens," Yennefer says, watching Tissaia's lips curl into a smile. The case they'd met on was that of a father who had abused his wife and children for years, before murdering them and disposing of their bodies. Tissaia had rigorously and meticulously led the case against him, and won. "But she didn't climb the princess' hair." She smiles at Tissaia. "She asked her out for a drink."</p>
<p>Ciri wrinkles her nose. "That's boring." She rolls her eyes. "Was the queen pretty?"</p>
<p>Clearly this story can only be salvaged by beauty, so Yennefer lays it on thick. "Pretty? Oh, no. She wasn't pretty." She purses her lips at Tissaia's raised eyebrow. "She was the most <em>beautiful </em>woman the land had ever seen. She had long, shiny brown hair, almost down to her waist." It had been hidden under that hideous wig at the time, but Yen decides to leave that bit out. "Her eyes were so magical, they changed colour every time the Princess looked at them. Sometimes they'd be blue, like the ocean. Sometimes green, like the grass of a meadow."</p>
<p>Tissaia is shaking her head, but there's a faint blush covering her neck.</p>
<p>"She wore a long, flowing black cape that billowed out behind her when she walked."</p>
<p>"She sounds like a baddie, mummy," Ciri says. "Like Maleficent."</p>
<p>A laugh bubbles out of Tissaia's throat and she leans in to kiss Ciri's head. "You're right, darling. She does sound like a baddie." She turns to Yennefer and tilts her head. "How did the Princess know she wasn't a baddie?"</p>
<p>"Because the Princess found the Queen after she'd slayed the dragon," Yennefer explains, holding Tissaia's eyes. "She was in the ladies toilets, crying about all the boys and girls that evil old dragon had hurt. So the princess knew she was very, very good."</p>
<p>Tissaia presses her lips together, blinking fast.</p>
<p>Ciri sighs. "That was a rubbish story, mummy."</p>
<p>Yennefer and Tissaia both laugh at the honesty and Yennefer notices Tissaia dabbing at her eyes.</p>
<p>"Well, it's my favourite," Yennefer says, reaching over to poke Ciri's nose. "Now, is this crown about finished or what?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, we're finished." Ciri shoves the paper towards Tissaia. "'Ssaia needs to cut it out and put the sillytape on it."</p>
<p>"I'll grab the sellotape while 'Ssaia does the cutting." She pushes up out of her seat. "Then we can hopefully get you crowned in time for dinner.</p>
<hr/>
<p>With the crown assembled, it's time for the coronation. Ciri is sitting in the biggest armchair they have, her feet dangling well above the floor. Yennefer stands dutifully by with the elaborate paper crown held on a cushion from the sofa. Tissaia stands by the other side of the 'throne', a rolled up piece of paper in her hands.</p>
<p>"May we commence, Princess?" Tissaia asks.</p>
<p>"Yes." Ciri nods once, looking straight ahead, no doubt at her adoring subjects.</p>
<p>Tissaia unfurls the paper and clears her throat. "My Lords and Ladies, Dukes and Duchesses, Earls and Countesses-" Yennefer's stomach twists when she realises she's using her fancy lawyer voice. It always does funny things to her. "-may I present to you, upon this day of her coronation, Princess Cirilla of Cintra, the first of her name, ruler of all she surveys."</p>
<p>"Say the other bits," Ciri encourages, head held high, nose in the air. "About my dad being the king and stuff."</p>
<p>"You are right, of course, silly me." Tissaia unfurls the piece of paper further. "Ah yes, I hadn't got to that part yet." She clears her throat. "Princess Cirilla of Cintra, first of her name, ruler of all she surveys. Daughter of Kings Geralt and Jaskier of Rivia and of Queen Yennefer of Vengerberg. Her birth has united the kingdoms and-"</p>
<p>"And you!" Ciri frowns up at her like she's an idiot. "Daughter of Queen Yennefer and Queen 'Ssaia."</p>
<p>Tears spring to Yennefer's eyes at the same time panic grips her chest. She and Tissaia have never really discussed what Ciri is to her. It's not the same as the relationship she has with Jaskier. Jaskier has been around since Ciri was a tiny baby. She's lived with him and Geralt as a couple almost all her life, and certainly for all of it she can remember. But Tissaia came along later. She's always been 'Ssaia. She's never been 'mum'. But this seemingly doesn't matter.</p>
<p>Yennefer looks to Tissaia for a reaction, and she sees that she's struggling with her emotions. She tilts her head in question, checking that Tissaia is alright with this interpretation of their complicated little family. She gets a tiny nod in confirmation. She moves closer, taking the 'scroll' out of Tissaia's hand, giving her the crown instead.</p>
<p>Yennefer flicks the paper and swallows. "Princess Cirilla of Cintra. Daughter of King Geralt and his court jester Jaskier-" Ciri giggles, but doesn't make her stop. "And daughter of Queen Yennefer of Vengerberg and Queen Tissaia of Vries-" She meets Tissaia's eyes over the top of Ciri's head. "Slayer of Dragons and Champion of Justice."</p>
<p>She gets a watery roll of the eyes and a genuine smile in response before Tissaia kneels in front of Ciri and places the crown on her head. She takes her little hand and kisses it, giving it a squeeze.</p>
<p>"I wish you a long and happy reign, Princess."</p>
<p>Yennefer squeezes Tissaia's shoulder. Ciri slides off the chair and wraps her arms around Tissaia's neck.</p>
<p>"Thanks 'Ssaia." She pulls back. "Can I have a biscuit? I'm starving."</p>
<p>Usually Tissaia would be strict about eating junk before dinner, but she just smiles. "I think a Princess deserves a biscuit on her Coronation day." She stands and holds out her hand. "Let's go and get one, shall we?" They head to the door where Tissaia pauses. "Are you joining us for the post coronation biscuit?"</p>
<p>Smiling, Yennefer nods. "As you wish, Queen 'Ssaia."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Flowers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Content warning: contains scenes of a (canon) suicide attempt.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At first, she doesn't know what's happening. There's a change in the atmosphere; a shift in chaos. It begins as a ripple beneath her skin, but soon it feels like her bones are rattling in their joints. Something seismic is occurring, something that will change how the world fits together.</p><p>A flash vision hits and her stomach roils.</p><p>"<em>Tissaia</em>," she whispers.</p><p>Without bothering to explain her exit, she simply turns and opens a portal directly into Tissaia's study. The sight that greets her turns her insides cold.</p><p>Tissaia is sitting in the chair at her desk, but gone is her usual poise and posture. She is slumped back, her head lolling to the side with eyes shut, arms dangling. Beneath her hand is a pool of blood, and a dagger.</p><p>"No." Yennefer moves to Tissaia's side, picking up her arm and checking her wrist. The two deep slashes mirror the marks on her own wrist. "No, no, no, no." She rips at her own gown and wraps the wounds as best she can before moving around and doing the same to the other arm. All the while she mutters every healing incantation she can think of, spells to clot blood, spells to restore vitality, spells to repair tissue.</p><p>There's so much blood on the floor that Yennefer almost slips in it, and she worries she's too late, that the damage is too great to be undone. Blood is already seeping through the makeshift wrappings, so she looks around and grabs a cloak that's hanging on a nearby hook, tearing it into lengths of bandage. She wraps Tissaia's arm in one of them.</p><p>"Stop." Tissaia's voice is weak, but her eyelids flutter and open. "No. Leave me be."</p><p>"No I will <em>not </em>leave you be, you idiotic old witch," Yennefer rants, concentrating on her task.</p><p>"Yennefer?" Tissaia turns at the sound of her voice. Her brow is creased, but it smooths out when her eyes land on Yennefer. "Of course it's you."</p><p>"Yes, of course it's me," Yennefer says, wiping her brow with the back of her hand when sweat threatens to run into her eyes. "Can you stop distracting me for a minute?"</p><p>"It's fitting I should see you at the hour of my death," Tissaia continues, her words slurring. "You were, you <em>are</em>, my greatest achievement."</p><p>Yennefer swallows and shuts her eyes, trying to block out Tissaia's words and push down the emotions they are causing. She needs to finish this incantation if she's to have any chance of saving Tissaia. She chants the elder under her breath, holding both of Tissaia's wrists in her hands.</p><p>"You, precious girl, are my legacy."</p><p>The spell is finished, and Yennefer can't stay quiet any longer.</p><p>"I don't want to be your legacy, for fuck's sake." Yennefer presses Tissaia's hands to her mouth, kissing too cold fingers. "Can't you see? I want to be so much more than that. I want to be your <em>everything</em>. I want us to be everything to each other." She shakes her head, finally allowing tears to flow. "But that can't happen if you're dead."</p><p>Tissaia turns her hand to stroke Yennefer's face, somewhat clumsily. "Sometimes a fl-"</p><p>"Don't you fucking <em>dare </em>mention flowers to me right now, Tissaia De Vries." Yennefer says, shaking her head. She cups Tissaia's cheek and shakes her gently, trying to keep her eyes from closing. "You are not some delicate fucking flower, dying for some greater cause. You are a fucking ancient tree, standing in the middle of the forest, strong and tall and...well, maybe not tall."</p><p>Blue tinged lips turn up at the edges in a flicker of a smile. "Can't you even let me <em>die </em>in peace?"</p><p>"No. I can't." Yennefer sniffs, wiping her arm over nose. "You know why? You don't get to go this way. You're fed up with Aretuza? You want out of the system? Then you fucking <em>retire</em>. You step aside and go and live on a vineyard in Toussaint or in a cottage on Skellige. You don't slit your wrists like some idiotic child who's mad at the world." A sob steals her breath. "The world is so much bigger than Aretuza, and there's so much more living can be done outside these fucking walls."</p><p>"I've lived too long already," Tissaia protests, but Yennefer can see there's colour returning to her face, chasing the deathly pallor from her cheeks. The spells are working. "I'm obsolete."</p><p>"No you are not," Yennefer tells her. "The world is changing, yes. The old ways may no longer be how things are done, but it doesn't mean that <em>you </em>are obsolete." Yennefer lets out a shuddering breath. "You're vital, Tissaia. I cannot envision this Continent without you. I cannot imagine a life where I didn't know that you were wandering around somewhere, disapproving of things."</p><p>Tissaia blinks slowly. "I don't want to wander," she murmurs.</p><p>"Then don't," Yennefer says, wanting to encourage any talk of Tissaia's future wishes. "Set up home somewhere. You'll never be short of visitors. You've trained every sorceress from here to Nilfgaard. They all look up to you."</p><p>"And you?" Tissaia asks, lifting a shaking hand to Yennefer's face. "Would you visit? Would you stay, if I asked?"</p><p>Yennefer closes her eyes, turning her face into Tissaia's palm and brushing her lips over it. "I would stay with you forever," she whispers. "But you have to stay first. Okay? You wouldn't let me slip out of the world this way, and I won't let you. Do you understand me?"</p><p>Tissaia nods. "I understand." She swallows, with difficulty. "I'll try."</p><p>"Good." She sighs. "Now, let's get you into bed so I can continue to heal you."</p>
<hr/><p>The night is long and, at some point, Yennefer collapses into bed beside Tissaia, absolutely spent after working as much healing magic as she can. Healing magic has always depleted her more than other kinds. It doesn't come easily or naturally to her, so her chaos protests its use every single time.</p><p>She's still exhausted when she feels soft fingers on her jaw, running up and down its length. She opens her eyes, blinking against the late morning light. Her view clears and she finds herself looking into blue eyes she worried she'd never see again. Tissaia is pale and drawn, but beautiful, and wonderfully <em>alive</em>.</p><p>"Oh, thank the Gods it worked," Yennefer mutters. She frowns and prods Tissaia's chest. "What were you <em>thinking</em>?"</p><p>Tissaia shakes her head, still stroking Yennefer's face. "I was thinking I had nothing left to live for."</p><p>"And now?" Yennefer holds her breath, afraid to disturb the tranquil mood.</p><p>Tissaia smiles. "And now, it appears that there may still be...enticements, that make life worthwhile." She slips her fingers below Yennefer's chin and tilts her face up. "Thank you, for saving me. Again."</p><p>"Well, I've probably still got a couple of goes before we're even," Yennefer says, shifting closer, laying a hand on Tissaia's hip. "Tell me more of these enticements."</p><p>Wrinkling her nose, Tissaia turns Yennefer's face to one side and then the other, inspecting it. "I'm too tired, right now." She presses a thumb to Yennefer's lips. "And your face is covered in dried blood. Neither of us is very enticing at this moment."</p><p>"It's your fucking blood," Yennefer says, but she's smiling.</p><p>"I'm not sure how that makes it better, dear," Tissaia says, but she leans in and brings their lips together in a chaste kiss. She pulls back minutely. "There. Will that do for now?"</p><p>Yennefer closes her eyes and rests her forehead against Tissaia's, pulling her closer.</p><p>"For now."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Lesson</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yennefer arrives back at Aretuza earlier than planned from a trip to help Triss with some difficulties she was having in finding a particular ingredient for a potion. She'd stayed a few days, enjoying the opportunity to catch up with her friend. But as her visit was drawing to an end, she found herself longing to return home.</p>
<p>After a quick jaunt to the kitchens to charm a snack from her favourite cook, she wanders through the corridors, feeling for Tissaia's presence. She identifies her in the greenhouse and she slips inside, staying by the doorway to observe.</p>
<p>There are pairs of girls kneeling opposite one another on the floor, while Tissaia reclines on a chaise with a book in her hand. Thought transference, then. All heads in the room spin to look at her.</p>
<p>"Girls," Tissaia barks. "You must concentrate on your task. You must not allow interruptions to affect your focus so easily."</p>
<p>Chastened, the girls return to their previous positions, staring into one another's eyes. Yennefer meets Tissaia's eyes across the room and smiles.</p>
<p>
  <em>Hello.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hello to you too. I wasn't expecting you back until this evening.</em>
</p>
<p>Yennefer leans back against the door. <em>Seems I just can't stay away from this old draughty place these days. There must be something drawing me back, but I just can't put my finger on it.</em></p>
<p>She watches Tissaia's lips purse as she tries not to smile. <em>Not that I'm not pleased to see you, darling, but I do have a lesson to teach at the moment.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Lesson? Oh yes, I can see how hard you're working, lounging on that chaise while these poor girls have a crisis trying to please you.</em>
</p>
<p><em>Hmmm. </em>Tissaia tilts her head, setting her book on the table. <em>It does afford me time to catch up with my reading, it's true. </em>She casts her eyes down to the girls. <em>This is our third lesson on this and not one of them has mastered the skill yet.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Any interesting deepest fears?</em>
</p>
<p><em>Not really. The usual kind of thing. Spiders, deep water, high places. </em>She inclines her head to the girl sitting closest. <em>This one is utterly terrified of disappointing any authority figure in her life.</em></p>
<p><em>Poor kid. </em>Yennefer shakes her head. <em>It must be killing her not to be able to perform this task for you.</em></p>
<p><em>Yes, it must be. </em>Tissaia lifts her chin. <em>Thankfully she has not resorted to just making something up to get out of it.</em></p>
<p><em>We'd been here for </em>hours! Yennefer protests. <em>My back was fucking </em>killing <em>me from kneeling on that stone floor.</em></p>
<p>A hint of guilt flickers in Tissaia's eyes. <em>Well, you're more than adept at thought transference now.</em></p>
<p><em>Indeed. </em>Yennefer lifts her eyebrows. <em>And right now my thoughts are mostly about how absolutely ravishing you look laid out like that.</em></p>
<p>Tissaia's eyes widen. <em>Yennefer-</em></p>
<p><em>I'm serious. I've been away from you for four nights, and I come back to find you laid out like that? </em>Yennefer licks her lips. <em>I am exercising extreme self-control right now by </em>not <em>coming over and taking you right there.</em></p>
<p><em>Stop this. </em>Tissaia's eyes flick to the girls.</p>
<p><em>Oh, come on. They can't even read each other, let alone a conversation happening above their heads. </em>Yennefer grins. <em>Or perhaps it's not them overhearing you're worried about, Rectoress, hmmm? Are you concerned that if I keep telling you what I want to do to you, you will exhibit some semblance of humanity in front of them?</em></p>
<p>Narrowing her eyes, Tissaia shakes her head. <em>All I have to do is close my mind off to you and this cannot continue.</em></p>
<p>Yennefer puts a hand to her chest. <em>You'd shut me out? After all we have been through? </em>She bites her lip and shakes her head. <em>I don't think you'd do that. In fact, I don't even think you </em>want <em>to do that, do you? You </em>want <em>to hear how much I want you.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Yennefer...please.</em>
</p>
<p>Tissaia's brow is creased, but Yennefer's not sure if she's asking her to stop, or to continue. She pushes away from the door and saunters over to some old bookshelves, pretending to peruse the titles.</p>
<p><em>I want you with the deepest part of my being, Tissaia. Lying alone in that cold bed for the last few nights has been utter torture. My body doesn't know how to be without yours any longer, it seems. </em>She glances over her shoulder and finds Tissaia looking directly at her. <em>Was it the same for you?</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Yes.</em>
</p>
<p>The answer comes more swiftly and honestly than she'd anticipated. She turns, loathe to look away from Tissaia's intense stare.</p>
<p><em>I don't just want you, I </em>need <em>you. Like I need water, or food, or air. I need you just as much. Perhaps more.</em></p>
<p>This had started as a game, a way to tease in a roomful of Tissaia's students, but they're both now aware that it has taken on a serious edge. That Yennefer is not embellishing her feelings.</p>
<p>
  <em>I-</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Get rid of them. Now.</em>
</p>
<p>Tissaia stands and the girls all look up at her, worried they've done something wrong.</p>
<p>"The lesson is over for today, girls." Tissaia says, her voice just slightly higher pitched than usual. "We will pick up where we left off tomorrow."</p>
<p>The girls hurriedly stand, some of them groaning and rubbing at their knees. One girl stays where she is, her shoulders slumped; the one Tissaia had pointed out earlier. Tissaia walks over to her and puts a hand on her shoulder.</p>
<p>"It's coming, Selishe," Tissaia says, softly. "You're nearly there."</p>
<p>The girl looks up at her, eyes shining. "Really?"</p>
<p>Tissaia nods. "Go now. I must speak to Lady Yennefer."</p>
<p>Yennefer watches the girl scamper out, beaming, and lifts an eyebrow at Tissaia. "Growing soft in your old age?"</p>
<p>"Never mind that," Tissaia says. "Come here."</p>
<p>That voice always makes Yennefer throb, and she wastes no time in obeying. She stands in front of Tissaia, noting the other woman's heaving bosom and flushed neck. Tissaia's eyes flick over her shoulder.</p>
<p>"Lock the door," Tissaia says, seating herself gracefully on the chaise and arranging her skirts around her knees. Her eyes meet Yennefer's. "Then come back and show me how much you missed me."</p>
<p>Yennefer grins. "Yes, Rectoress."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Decay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Tissaia does not return to their apartments after her meeting, Yennefer grows bored and goes to find her. She's not in any of her usual haunts and eventually Yennefer sends out a telepathic message to ascertain her whereabouts.</p>
<p>
  <em>Tissaia. Are you hiding?</em>
</p>
<p>There's an unusually long pause, during which worry starts dripping into Yennefer's mind. Could something have happened to her? Could she be hurt? Surely she would have called out? Or Yennefer would have felt someth-</p>
<p>An image of where Tissaia is, rather than a spoken thought, enters her mind. A dank cavern, lit by the chaos of dozens, hundreds, of girls who didn't make it. Yennefer shudders. It's nearly time for those decisions to be made, but she thought they were still a few months away. Even though she hates the place, she decides she needs to investigate. Tissaia must have sent her the thought, so she won't mind.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The smell is alway what hits her first; like the sea but more potent, more contained, like the air has circulated for too long. She peeks through the gap in the wall, as she had done all those years before, and sees Tissaia standing by the water's edge. She's alone, and there are no empty robes where girls had once stood.</p>
<p>"I know you're there, Yennefer," she says, without turning.</p>
<p>With a sigh, Yennefer carries on into the cavern, casting a glance into the water. As she draws closer to Tissaia, she sees a small pile of dead eels by her feet. Yennefer wrinkles her nose as she sees Tissaia pluck another one out of the water using the same implement Yennefer had used to push Anica and the others into the pool.</p>
<p>"What are you doing?" Yennefer asks, eyeing the dead, slimy animals with distaste. Some of them are fairly fresh, but a few look to be rotting and must have been dead for a while.</p>
<p>"I clean out the pool every year around this time," Tissaia says, turning and setting the tool aside, wiping her hands on a rag hanging from her belt. She nods to the pile of eels. "No point in them taking up space when they're of no use."</p>
<p>Yennefer shakes her head. "I- I had assumed-" She shrugs. "I never thought about them dying."</p>
<p>Tissaia smiles, sadly. "Everything dies, Yennefer." She turns to regard the pool, lifting a hand and making it glow. "It's true, some of them will live for decades, even centuries. Others burn out in a matter of years. It depends on the level of chaos they possessed as humans."</p>
<p>"I see." Yennefer moves to stand beside Tissaia. "And how is this a job for the Rectoress of Aretuza? Surely you have people who could do this for you?"</p>
<p>Tissaia's eyes are fixed on the water. "I choose to do it." She looks up to meet Yennefer's gaze. "I am the one to put them there. I should be the one to remove them." She lifts her chin, returning her eyes to the pool. "Do you know, when I first became a teacher here, I was...excited, enthusiastic."</p>
<p>"I cannot picture that," Yennefer says, bumping her shoulder against Tissaia's.</p>
<p>"Well, I was." Tissaia swallows. "I enjoyed seeing my girls do well. I loved their excitement when they finally mastered a spell or learned a new skill." Her hand comes up to her medallion, her thumb worrying the jewel in its centre. "And every time the ascensions drew near, when half the class would disappear, I would mourn for those who were lost."</p>
<p>Yennefer nods, opting to remain silent.</p>
<p>Tissaia sighs. "And then, when I became Rectoress, the decision became mine. Who would ascend, and who would be sacrificed to keep Aretuza going." She closes her eyes. "All those bright, young faces who'd looked to me for guidance…"</p>
<p>Reaching over, Yennefer takes her hand and squeezes. "But you did it," she says. "You made the choice."</p>
<p>"I did." Tissaia nods once. "And I have been making that choice ever since. But after that first time-" She squeezes Yennefer's hand, before letting their fingers slide together and interlock. "-I stopped allowing myself to get attached."</p>
<p>"So it wouldn't hurt so much," Yennefer says for her.</p>
<p>Tissaia turns to her and nods. "It was easier if I just...closed myself off." She sighs. "And over the years, I probably went too far in the other direction. I became cold and distant to the students."</p>
<p>Though Yennefer knows, now, that she is anything but, she cannot deny that's how she felt when she was a novice here, desperate for some sign of approval or affection.</p>
<p>"You did what you had to do to keep going," Yennefer says, finally. "I understand."</p>
<p>With a sigh, Tissaia turns back to look at the water. "So that's why I come here to carry out this task. It's something of a penance, I suppose. To see where my actions lead." Her fingers tighten around Yennefer's. "I grieve for every single one of these girls, Yennefer. For the girls they were and the women they never became. But I bear it, because it is my duty."</p>
<p>Shaking her hand free, Yennefer takes Tissaia by the hips and turns her so that they're facing each other. Tissaia looks up at her, something like shame in her eyes and Yennefer longs to chase it away.</p>
<p>"Luckily for me, the not getting attached thing didn't quite stick, did it?" She smiles, hoping Tissaia will too.</p>
<p>"We didn't speak for thirty years, Yennefer," Tissaia says, eyes shining. "I'd say that it stuck fairly well." She lifts a hand to Yennefer's face, stroking her cheek. "Though, I must admit, you always had the ability to get under my skin." She smiles and shakes her head. "You were always different."</p>
<p>Yennefer grins. "I was, wasn't I?" She slides her hands from Tissaia's hips to her waist, tugging her closer. "And so <em>desperate </em>for you to notice me."</p>
<p>"I always noticed you," Tissaia says, taking Yennefer's face in both hands. "I always knew you were special."</p>
<p>Dipping her head, Yennefer brushes her lips over Tissaia's. She glances over her shoulder at the pile of dead eels. "Perhaps you should finish your task here and we can move this somewhere more appropriate." She peers into the pool. "I feel like they're watching."</p>
<p>"I doubt that," Tissaia says, with a soft laugh. She kisses Yennefer once more and steps out of her arms. "Go on. I'll join you shortly."</p>
<p>"Don't be too long." Yennefer heads back out of the cavern. She stops at the gap and watches Tissaia approach the pile of corpses and crouch down, bowing her head and closing her eyes. Yennefer leaves her to make her amends.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Caress</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A follow up to this ficlet: <a href="#section0018">Beauty</a></p>
<p>Content warning: contains discussion of scars/scarring and accompanying psychological impacts</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It comes from nowhere, one random evening. They're sitting together on Tissaia's couch, making fun of a terrible film they stumbled across while channel surfing. Yennefer has her head on a cushion in Tissaia's lap and Tissaia's playing with a strand of her hair when she says it.</p>
<p>"I want you to see me."</p>
<p>Tissaia looks down into Yennefer's eyes, all mirth gone. She doesn't push for more, or for Yennefer to clarify. She knows what she means. Setting her wine glass down, she takes Yennefer's hand.</p>
<p>"Are you sure? I don't want you to rush anything."</p>
<p>Sighing, Yennefer closes her eyes and squeezes Tissaia's hand. "It's going to happen sooner or later. And I-" She stops, her lips tightening briefly. "I don't want it to be while we're...I don't want it to be during sex, okay?"</p>
<p>"Okay." Tissaia waits until Yennefer opens her eyes and nods. "Whatever you need."</p>
<p>Yennefer sits up and rearranges herself so that she's facing Tissaia. She reaches for Tissaia's hand again and holds it, rubbing her knuckles with her thumb.</p>
<p>"The thing is," Yennefer begins, her eyes on their hands. "I've thought about it a lot. And I've tried to think of what it is I want you to say." She rolls her eyes. "And every fucking scenario I've come up with has annoyed me and has the potential to make me get all defensive again. All the 'survivor' bullshit stuff. Or how they're actually 'beautiful'." She looks up at Tissaia. "So if I can't come up with anything, I can't expect you to, can I?"</p>
<p>"Okay." Tissaia has thought about it herself. She's googled images of back surgery scars, just so that she's got an idea of what they might look like, and so that surprise doesn't come into her reaction. "Do you want me to say nothing?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Yennefer sighs again. "I think that's probably best for now." Her eyes flick up to meet Tissaia's. "A-and, I don't want you to touch me. Not yet."</p>
<p>"Yennefer," Tissaia begins softly. "Please don't do this if you don't want to. I don't-"</p>
<p>"I <em>do </em>want to," Yennefer hurries to interrupt. "I do. Just...I want to do this first step and...and see how it goes, okay?"</p>
<p>"Of course." Tissaia smiles and brings Yennefer's hand to her mouth, kissing it. "However you want."</p>
<p>"Christ, now it's had all this build up." Yennefer lets out a shaky laugh. "I think I just need to-" She drops Tissaia's hand and turns, yanking her jumper up to her shoulders and Tissaia finally gets to see her back.</p>
<p>Clamping down the urge to say the things that will only annoy Yennefer, and clenching her hands so she doesn't reach out and touch, Tissaia takes the time to examine the scars.</p>
<p>There's a large, pronounced scar running down most of the length of Yennefer's spine. The main line of it is raised, and it has dozens of tiny cross stitches. There's another, shorter scar running across her left shoulderblade. There are a few other, smaller marks, possibly left by drains or some other surgical necessity.</p>
<p>Before she can take in any more detail, Yennefer drops her jumper back into place so suddenly Tissaia's almost startled. She notes Yennefer's shoulders are rising and falling quickly. She starts to move towards her, but pauses.</p>
<p>"Can I hug you?" she asks.</p>
<p>"Please."</p>
<p>Tissaia moves forward and wraps her arms around Yennefer's waist, hooking her chin over her shoulder. She closes her eyes.</p>
<p>"Thank you, for showing me."</p>
<p>"Pffft. Yeah, for giving you nightmares, more like." Yennefer's breathing is slowing down. "I know they're ugly as fuck, Tissaia. You don't need to pretend otherwise."</p>
<p>Biting her teeth together to stop herself spewing the trite things Yennefer doesn't want to hear.</p>
<p>"What would you say if it were me?" Tissaia asks, wondering if that will help frame Yennefer's thoughts. "What if I showed you my back and it looked like yours. What would you say?"</p>
<p>"I- I don't know." Yennefer shrugs, but relaxes a little more in Tissaia's arms. "I suppose-" She rests her head against Tissaia's."I- I'd want you to know that it didn't make any difference. To how I felt about you."</p>
<p>Tissaia turns and kisses her cheek. "Well, that's the truth. No difference whatsoever."</p>
<p>Yennefer nods and settles back further.</p>
<hr/>
<p>They're lying in bed together the following week and Tissaia is just drifting off to sleep when Yennefer speaks.</p>
<p>"Can you- I mean, not if you don't want to, but-" Yennefer sighs. "Do you think you could touch me in, like, a non-sexy way?" She sighs. "Shit, I know that's really weird and specific, but-"</p>
<p>Tissaia shakes her head, pushing herself up on an elbow. "Whatever you need, Yennefer. I mean that. Whatever makes you comfortable." She lays a hand on Yennefer's hip. "But I don't want you rushing something just because you want to make me happy."</p>
<p>"It's <em>not </em>that. I mean, I do want to make you happy." She closes her eyes. "But, fuck, I want you to touch me too. I just don't know if I'll freak out and frighten you."</p>
<p>"You won't frighten me," Tissaia assures her. "I'll go as slow as you need me to. You tell me to stop, and I'll stop."</p>
<p>"Okay." Yennefer sits up and grips the hem of her t-shirt, she hesitates and Tissaia puts a hand on top of hers.</p>
<p>"Only if you want to, Yen," she says.</p>
<p>Yennefer nods, and yanks the shirt over her head, leaving her bare from the waist up. Unable to help it, Tissaia's eyes dip to her chest.</p>
<p>"Oi." She looks up and finds Yennefer smirking. "Non-sexy, remember?"</p>
<p>"I know, I'm sorry, I just-"</p>
<p>"I'm kidding, Tissaia." Yennefer nudges her. "I'd be a bit surprised if you didn't look." She sighs. "It's the other side that's the problem."</p>
<p>"Not a problem, Yen," Tissaia assures her. "Not for me."</p>
<p>Yennefer rolls her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. We all know you're amazing, babe. You don't need to keep proving it."</p>
<p>Tissaia smiles. "So. How do you want to do this?"</p>
<p>"I-I think I'm going to lie down on my front."</p>
<p>"Okay." She nods, waiting for Yennefer to make the first move. She watches as she turns and lies down. Her face is towards Tissaia, watching her, her head pillowed on her arms.</p>
<p>"I'm ready," she says.</p>
<p>Tissaia doesn't miss the tightness in her shoulders, or how she's holding her breath. Not wanting to prolong the discomfort, Tissaia reaches out and gently lays her palm flat on the small of Yennefer's back so that it's covering part of the largest scar. She feels her tense, drawing away slightly as she pushes her hips into the mattress. Tissaia doesn't follow, or press, but just leaves her hand resting lightly on Yennefer's skin, holding her eyes and watching for any sign that she doesn't want this to continue.</p>
<p>Slowly, the tension in Yennefer's body dissipates. As it does, Tissaia starts to stroke the skin gently with her thumb.</p>
<p>"Is this okay?" she whispers.</p>
<p>"Mmmhmm." Yennefer nods, still watching Tissaia's face intently.</p>
<p>With a nod, Tissaia starts to move her hand a little more, dragging it up and down Yennefer's back, rubbing softly.</p>
<p>"How's that?" she asks.</p>
<p>"S'nice." Yennefer smiles. "Weird, but nice."</p>
<p>Tissaia returns the smile. "I'll take that." She adjusts her hand so that it's just her fingertips touching Yennefer's skin, and she drags them all around the expanse.</p>
<p>Yennefer turns her face into the pillow and laughs. "That tickles."</p>
<p>Leaning in, Tissaia plants a kiss on her head. "I know." She trails her fingers up the length of Yennefer's scar, using just her forefinger to follow the curved one on her shoulderblade and then she moves to use her knuckles, applying just a tiny bit more pressure as she moves around. Glancing at Yennefer's face, she finds her with her eyes closed and features relaxed. Using her blunt fingernails, she scratches gently at the base of Yennefer's neck, just above where her scar begins.</p>
<p>"Oh, shit."</p>
<p>Tissaia freezes. "Sorry, I-"</p>
<p>"No, no." Yennefer shakes her head and smiles. "It just- It felt really good, that's all."</p>
<p>"Oh." Tissaia lets out a breath. "Good."</p>
<p>She continues her exploration, stroking here and scratching there. After a while, she settles down on the pillow beside Yennefer, her hand splayed at the top of her back, thumb playing with the soft hairs at the nape of her neck.</p>
<p>"Is that enough for tonight?"</p>
<p>Yennefer blinks sleepily at her and smiles. "Yeah. I think so."</p>
<p>"Okay." Tissaia nods. "Do you want to put your top back on?" The last thing she wants is Yennefer waking up and feeling exposed.</p>
<p>"In a minute," Yennefer says. "Do you- would you hold me for a sec?" She waits for Tissaia's nod, and then turns so that her back is facing Tissaia.</p>
<p>As slowly and carefully as she can, Tissaia moves closer, her own bare torso coming into contact with Yennefer's bare back for the first time. She closes her eyes as her nipples brush against soft skin, and wraps her arm around Yennefer's waist.</p>
<p>"Fuck," Yennefer murmurs. "That's...that's a lot."</p>
<p>"Too much?" Tissaia asks, poised to move away.</p>
<p>"No." Yennefer's hand comes to rest on her wrist, tugging it more firmly around her. "Just- a lot." She lets out a breath, slowly. "Thank you."</p>
<p>Tissaia shakes her head. She presses a kiss to Yennefer's shoulder then buries her face in her neck. "Thank <em>you</em>, for trusting me."</p>
<p>Yennefer nods, her thumb stroking the back of Tissaia's hand. "Thank you for being trustworthy."</p>
<p>Tissaia smiles.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Chaos</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once upon a time, it would have been unthinkable for Tissaia to be sitting in Yennefer's house, sipping wine and laughing over stories about the mishaps of shared acquaintances. It would have been absurd for them to be in each other's company without the situation deteriorating into a battle of words; a war of nerves.</p><p>But these days, it's not unusual at all.</p><p>Everything changed at Sodden Hill. The battle was hard won, and left both of them injured. It was during the aftermath that they started to grow closer. Tissaia's recovery had been long and beleaguered with setbacks. The healers had barely begun to rid her body of dimeritium when infection took hold and had her teetering between life and death once more.</p><p>Yennefer had been by her side as soon as she was allowed out of bed, her own injuries still healing. 'Allowed' being subjective, of course. The healers grew tired of chasing her back to her own room soon enough and just let her stay as Tissaia went through her own battle. Even if she couldn't fight alongside her, this time, Yennefer was determined that she would not be alone. She'd held her hand through interminable nights, counting her breaths, holding her own when it seemed the next one wasn't coming fast enough. She'd talked to her through her delirium, smiling through tears at the absurdities spilling from the usually sensible lips.</p><p>She had finally turned a corner when a particularly awful fever finally broke one night. She turned to Yennefer with eyes clearer than she'd seen them since the morning of the battle, and smiled. And Yennefer's heart found its rhythm once more.</p><p>Even once it was certain that Tissaia would recover, Yennefer never strayed far from Aretuza for a long time. It was many weeks after her own healing was complete that she finally struck out again, into the world. But she made sure to visit often, and urged Tissaia to do the same.</p><p>That is why it's not a surprise when Tissaia shows up at the house Yennefer keeps in Velen, with a very fine bottle of wine from Aretuza's cellar and a smile.</p><p>"I thought we could enjoy it in your garden," Tissaia says, once Yennefer has picked up a couple of glasses. "I'm not sure we'll keep this warmth for much longer."</p><p>"An excellent idea," Yennefer says, gesturing for Tissaia to walk in front of her out into the late summer evening.</p><p>They sit at the small table set on a terrace and Yennefer pours the wine. Tissaia picks up her glass and swirls the russet liquid around, inhaling its scent before taking a sip. She hums her approval.</p><p>"I knew this would be a good one."</p><p>Taking her own sip, Yennefer agrees. "It is quite exquisite."</p><p>She settles further into her chair and watches as Tissaia lifts her face to the sun, closing her eyes. Yennefer enjoys these moments more than any other, seeing Tissaia so relaxed and informal.</p><p>"So, what's been happening at Aretuza, then?" Yennefer asks. "Anything scandalous to share with me?"</p><p>"I fear not," Tissaia opens her eyes and smiles. "The new batch of girls are, thankfully, better than the last ones. There are one or two showing real promise already."</p><p>An age old spike of jealousy pokes at Yennefer's stomach and she frowns at her own irrationality. Tissaia's hand covers her own where it rests on the table between them and she turns to meet amused eyes.</p><p>"None of them are anywhere close to your ability, Yennefer. Don't concern yourself with that."</p><p>Embarrassed to have been caught in her feelings, Yennefer shifts in her seat and lifts her nose in the air. "Well, good. Can't have you finding a new favourite, can we?"</p><p>"No, indeed," Tissaia agrees, as Yennefer takes a sip of wine. "Sabrina would be <em>most </em>disappointed to be demoted."</p><p>The joke is so unexpected that Yennefer chokes on her wine. She doesn't quite manage to get a hand to her mouth to cover the cough, and she ends up with wine dripping from her chin, onto her chest and her dress. Before she knows what's happening, Tissaia is up out of her seat, dabbing at her face and her neck, then her chest.</p><p>"For goodness' sake, Yennefer," she tuts. "What a mess you've made of yourself."</p><p>"<em>Me</em>?" Yennefer croaks.</p><p>From nowhere, a picture appears in her mind.</p><p>
  <em>Tissaia bends to press her lips to Yennefer's throat, her tongue snaking out to catch the droplets of wine still lingering there, before moving around and down, onto her chest and-</em>
</p><p>The vision slams shut so suddenly Yennefer jumps. It's only then she realises that the fantasy was not her own, but belonged to Tissaia. Blood rushes to Yennefer's cheeks at the very thought, and her eyes snap up to meet troubled blue ones. This has happened, on occasion, since Sodden; Tissaia has had momentary lapses in control, resulting in her thoughts being more accessible than usual. But not this kind of thought.</p><p>Yennefer puts a hand on Tissaia's wrist, where she's still holding the napkin against her chest. She decides not to embarrass the other woman.</p><p>"If you want to kill me, Tissaia, there are easier ways than suddenly developing a sense of humour." She coughs again, though her throat is cleared.</p><p>There's a slight crease between Tissaia's eyebrows, she clearly knows Yennefer has seen something. But her mouth twitches into a smile and she nods. She presses the napkin into Yennefer's hand and backs away.</p><p>"I'll have you know my sense of humour is very well developed," Tissaia says, sitting herself down again. "Perhaps it's only now that you're older that you appreciate my wit."</p><p>"Perhaps that's it," Yennefer agrees, wiping herself down. "Though I'd appreciate it if you gave me a little more warning the next time you are about to make a joke so that I can ensure I'm not drinking at the time."</p><p>"Agreed," Tissaia holds up her glass and Yennefer clinks her own against it in a silent acknowledgement of what has passed between them and an agreement never to mention it again.</p>
<hr/><p>The problem is, Yennefer can think of little else.</p><p>After Tissaia leaves that evening, Yennefer lies in bed, staring at the ceiling. She replays the vision over and over, embellishing it in her own mind, taking it further each time. She pictures Tissaia's mouth trailing down her chest, between her breasts, burying her face in them. She imagines small, powerful hands on her body, touching her everywhere. When she envisages what Tissaia would look like between her legs, framed by her thighs, she can't hold off any longer, and she has to touch herself to relieve the aching need that's been growing since the picture first appeared in her mind.</p><p>She gets herself off. It's not pretty, or slow, but it does the job. Once that's dealt with, she returns to her previous activity of lying awake with too many thoughts in her head.</p><p>It's a lot to come to terms with. While she has harboured confusing and contradictory feelings about Tissaia for most of her life, she had assumed Tissaia saw her as no more than a former student. Latterly, perhaps a friend.</p><p>After all, it had been Vilgefortz who had come to find her before Sodden, not Tissaia. Tissaia's own plea had followed a sound trouncing at the Conclave; confirmation that the endeavour would not be supported en masse. Tissaia begging her to come along had been a last resort. It did not speak of high regard nor special favour.</p><p>This vision of them together is more than likely just a result of a sexual fantasy, she decides. Yennefer is no stranger to those; both having them and being the object of them. Rarely, though, do the two combine. While she often pities men for falling over themselves just for a chance to be taken to her bed, the thought that Tissaia wants her in that way is thrilling.</p><p>She ignores the part of her mind that is telling her that to have Tissaia so close, and not have her heart, would be devastating. She sighs. It's not like she's unaccustomed to heartache.</p><p>And this? This might be worth it.</p>
<hr/><p>A week passes, and Tissaia has not contacted her. Yennefer is almost out of her mind with questions and desires. Sleep eludes her and she has no appetite for any of the sumptuous meals she orders or conjures. Simply put, she is on hold. She is at the mercy of a fantasy that's not even her own.</p><p>By the eighth day, she decides she will have to be the one to make the first move this time. She must go to Tissaia. Not only that, but she must offer Tissaia what it is she clearly wants. Then they will both be able to slake a thirst, and Yennefer might be able to return to some semblance of her normal life.</p><p>Give that this may be the only time in her life she gets to be with Tissaia, Yennefer decides that a bit of a show is in order. She conjures up the gown she had worn when they met in Rinde. It has always made her feel powerful, in control.</p><p>And Tissaia seemed to enjoy looking at her in it.</p><p>As she sits before her mirror, painting her lips, Yennefer recalls that day. Tissaia's voice appearing from nowhere, her smile in the mirror, her hands on Yennefer's shoulders. Even the memory of that very innocent touch now makes her shiver with want.</p><p>She applies a dab of her signature scent behind her ears and on the pulse points in her wrists. She checks her reflection in the mirror and smiles. Yes, this will do nicely.</p><p>Standing up, she tells herself that the flutter in her stomach is excitement, rather than nerves. But just before she conjures a portal, she takes a swig of strong liquor from a hip flask she keeps in her drawer. With a final nod at herself in the mirror, she calls the portal directly into Tissaia's study, and steps through it.</p><p>If Tissaia's startled by her appearing from nowhere, she shows no sign of it. In fact, her face shows relief for the briefest of moments, before her brows gather in confusion as she takes in Yennefer's outfit. She's standing by her desk, reading a document which she sets down and turns to fully appraise Yennefer.</p><p>"I- I wasn't expecting you," Tissaia says, still looking at the outfit. "Did you mean to come here? Are you going somewhere?"</p><p>Seeing Tissaia off-balance like this should make Yennefer want to pounce, to grab the control and hold on to it. But it just makes her want to take Tissaia in her arms and kiss the confusion from her beautiful face. But that's not what tonight is for so she straightens her shoulders, letting a confident smile slide onto her lips.</p><p>"Can I not drop by unannounced to see my favourite Rectoress?" she says, perusing the objects on Tissaia's shelves, trying to calm her stomach.</p><p>"Of course you can," Tissaia says, hesitantly. "I just-" A pause. "You seem overdressed, that's all."</p><p>Yennefer grins, but hides it as she turns to look over her shoulder. "You'd prefer me to be wearing less?"</p><p>Tissaia shakes her head, turning away. "I don't-"</p><p>She'll have to speed this up if Tissaia's not to balk. She lifts her head and saunters over to stand by Tissaia at her desk. "Come on, Tissaia." She takes Tissaia's chin in her hand and gently turns her face back around. "We both know that you like looking at me." She lets the tip of her tongue touch her top lip. "And we both know you'd like to do a lot more than look."</p><p>Realisation blooms in Tissaia's eyes, and it's like the sun going down. Colour rises in her cheeks and it sends a fire rippling over Yennefer's skin. "How dare you," she begins, her voice low and dangerous.</p><p>Yennefer presses a finger to Tissaia's lips. "Shhhh." She shakes her head, eyes on Tissaia's mouth. "Just for tonight, I can be whatever you want me to be." She reaches out and runs her forefinger over the buttons on Tissaia's chest. "We could be-oooofff."</p><p>The wind is knocked from Yennefer's lungs as she is thrown across the room by a telekinetic blast, crashing into the wall and sliding to the floor. She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to clear her head where it's ringing from the impact and the magic. When she opens them, Tissaia's shoes are by her head. She looks up and can't help but cringe at the absolute fury radiating from the Rectoress.</p><p>"Do you think this is funny, girl?" Tissaia demands. "Taking my moment of weakness and exploiting it for your own amusement?"</p><p>"Wh-what?" Yennefer sits up, rubbing at her shoulder. "No! Of course not. That's not what-"</p><p>"I had assumed you would be an adult about my-" She turns and walks away a few paces. "About what you saw." She shakes her head. "Clearly I expected too much of you."</p><p>"Tissaia," Yennefer tries again. "That's not-" She uses the wall to steady herself as she gets to her feet.</p><p>Spinning to face Yennefer once more, Tissaia narrows her eyes. "I will not be one of your conquests, Yennefer," Tissaia says. Her eyes are hard, but Yennefer can see the pain swimming behind the anger.</p><p>"I was kind of hoping to become one of yours!" Yennefer mutters, regretting it immediately when she sees the flash of anguish on Tissaia's face.</p><p>"You would stand there and mock me?" Tissaia says, her voice hardly above a whisper. "After all we have been through together?"</p><p>"No, Tissaia, please let me-"</p><p>"Go." Tissaia says, turning away. "Get out of my sight.</p><p>"I'm not leaving it like this," Yennefer says, unsteadily marching towards Tissaia. She touches her shoulder, but her hand is batted away. "Tissaia, you need to let me-"</p><p>"I don't need to let you do anything," Tissaia says. She turns around, and the anger is gone, leaving only sadness so deep it cracks Yennefer's heart in two. Before she can do anything, though, Tissaia holds up a hand and Yennefer feels a wind behind her, she turns to find a portal spinning there, sucking her backwards. The last thing she sees before she is pulled into it is a tear running down Tissaia's face. "Goodbye Yennefer."</p><p>"No! Wait!"</p><p>For the second time in five minutes, Yennefer is deposited on her backside. She looks around, disorientated. She has no clue where she is, but it's definitely unpleasant. A bog of some sort. With a sigh, she gets to her feet, determined to set things right.</p><p>She calls her own portal, but when she sets the destination as Tissaia's study, the portal collapses. Tissaia has clearly put up wards to prevent her entering. "Fuck." Yennefer curses under her breath. "Of course."</p><p>She changes tack, directing her portal to just outside Aretuza's walls. When she steps through, the wind is howling and it's pouring with rain. She's drenched through in seconds, but she pays the weather no heed, taking off at a run through the great gates of the school and in the main door. Thankfully nobody challenges her, even though she must look like a drowned rat. She makes her way through the winding corridors and stairways; so familiar she could navigate them blindfolded.</p><p>She reaches Tissaia's apartments, and doesn't bother to knock, only hoping that the wards were limited to portals and that the door will let her through. The handle turns easily and she barges in.</p><p>Tissaia is seated at her desk, her head in her hands. She looks up at the noisy entrance and Yennefer's heart breaks all over again at the tear stains on her cheeks.</p><p>"What on-" Tissaia stands. "Are you stupid?"</p><p>"Probably," Yennefer says, not slowing her pace until she's standing directly in front of Tissaia. "But not stupid enough to walk away without making you see-"</p><p>"See what?" Tissaia snaps. She takes in Yennefer's appearance, although it's far less admiring than it was earlier. "You're dripping all over my rug."</p><p>Yennefer ignores her, taking her face in her hands, well aware she could be taking her own life in her hands with it. "I'm an idiot, yes. But so are you."</p><p>Tissaia gasps. "I am <em>not-</em>"</p><p>"Yes, you are," Yennefer says, her confidence growing a little since Tissaia hasn't incinerated her on sight. She sighs, shaking her head. "I've gone about this all wrong, and I'm sorry for that, but I need you to see-" She can feel tears leaking from her eyes in response to the ones shining in Tissaia's. "I need you to understand what I feel for you."</p><p>"I think you made that perfectly clear earlier," Tissaia says, but her voice is wavering.</p><p>"No, I didn't. I thought that was all you wanted from me. I thought that was the only way I'd be able to be with you. But that's not all I want. Not even close."</p><p>Tissaia's hands come up to grip her wrists lightly. "Wh-what <em>do</em> you want?"</p><p>Yennefer tilts her head and smiles, the answer is the same as last time, but means so much more.</p><p>"Everything."</p><p>She pulls Tissaia in, wiping at her tears with her thumbs, and touches their foreheads together, opening her mind and letting Tissaia in completely.</p><p>"Don't you feel it? The serenity? I felt it at Sodden. I felt, for the first time in my life, that I was completely in control." She closes her eyes. "And it's because of <em>this</em>. Because of <em>us</em>. We balance each other. My chaos it...<em>settles</em>, when I'm with you. When we're apart, something is missing and I'm always restless, always looking for some outlet."</p><p>She feels Tissaia's breath against her lips a second before they are covered, enveloped in soft warmth. One of them makes a high, needy sound, and Yennefer thinks it might be her. Tissaia's hands move from her wrists down her arms, to her waist, deepening the embrace. As they kiss, Tissaia's mind slowly opens and Yennefer sees so much love and care that it threatens to overwhelm her.</p><p>Gently, she pushes Tissaia back, ending their kiss, but pressing their foreheads back together, gulping in air. When she can speak again, she laughs. "So...it's not just me, then?"</p><p>"No," Tissaia says, returning her smile. "Not just you." She traces her fingers down Yennefer's cheek. "Although I do have questions about your earlier antics." She plucks at the now limp and soaking bodice. "And your attire."</p><p>"I'm sorry," Yennefer murmurs, brushing Tissaia's lips with her own. "Forgive me?"</p><p>"Oh, darling." Tissaia makes a show of rolling her eyes, but there's no disguising the smile she's wearing. She tips Yennefer's face down with a finger on her chin and kisses her again. "Don't I always?"</p><p>Yennefer grins into their next kiss, allowing Tissaia's open mind to welcome her in once again, as she does the same in return.</p><p>She's kissed many people in her lifetime, but it's never felt like this. It's never felt like being seen, being known, completely.</p><p>But this? This feels like forever.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was written in response to <a href="https://xxtorchxx.tumblr.com/">xxtorchxx</a>'s amazing manip:</p><p> </p><p>  </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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